The Dictionary

cheerleader effect [cheer-lee-der i-fekt] n; a group of seemingly attractive women who are, individually, butt ugly. “Just like with cheerleaders–they seem hot, but take each one individually, sled dogs.” See also: bridesmaids paradox, sorority girl syndrome, Spice Girls Conspiracy

concierge [kon-see-airzh] n; the Winnipeg version of a geisha, trained in the fine art of fanciness and pleasure.

Dick Van Dyke [dik van dahyk] v; to trip accidentally over a piece of furniture thereby permanently re-deading the alive-again father of your alive-again girlfriend. “So? Make it look like an accident. Trip over an ottoman. Dick Van Dyke his ass.”

piss jitters [pis jit-erz] n; 1. a shivery feeling you get when you pee; 2. a strong feeling of imminent misfortune or danger; the creeps. “If someone said something to me about my family, it’d give me the piss-jitters, but I’d ask them about it, not hide in a kitchen.”

rehymenated [re-hahy-muh-n-eyt-ed] v; becoming a virgin again after being rescued from hell by an angel and having all your old scars and injuries healed. “Brother, I have been rehymenated. And the Dude does not abide.”

shun/un-shun [shuhn/un-shuhn] v; An Amish disciplinary technique that is the equivalent of slapping someone with silence. Un-shunning ends the shun and, thus, the punishment. Depending on the infraction, one can be shunned for a period of weeks to years. “I was shunned from the age of four until my sixth birthday for not saving the excess oil from a can of tuna.”

smack talk [smak tawk] v; non-hypothetical, evidence-based derogatory phrases used to kill someone’s self esteem, especially when playing ping-pong at work. “Trash talk is hypothetical, like: Your mama is so fat she can eat the internet. But smack talk is happening, like, right now. Like: You’re ugly and I know it for a fact, ’cause I got the evidence right there.”

Street smarts [streetsmahrts] n; something dumb people say when they want to use the word “smart” to describe themselves. “That’s not smart. You just married Earl and had him sign it over to you when he was whacked out on morphine.” “That’s right–street smarts!”

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