The Arcade

It’s all fun and games until one of you gets my foot up your ass. –Veronica Mars

Who Said That Archive

Rules: quotes from different television shows. Without any cheating, Google-fu or using anything other than your brain, see how many quotes you know. I want the names of both the television show and the character who said it. Bonus points if you know the name of the episode.

Round 1:

1. This is not gonna be some funny story that we’re gonna be telling in a couple of months. It’s not gonna be like ‘remember that time when you were grinding with’-No. And do you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen.

2. “Day” is a vestigial mode of time measurement, based on solar cycles. It’s not applicable. I didn’t get you anything.

3. You know that sound you’re hearing, you know, that boom? That’s my mind blowing.

4. Dream on, Jump Street, I’m not leaving you alone with her.

5. I believe the moon doesn’t exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is that they’ll never get to prove it! I believe there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Well…what was the question again?

6. This close, they always look like landscape. Nope, you’re looking at balls.

7. That’s what you get, Charlie! You get fork-stabbed! Fork-stabbed!

8. Excuse me. People throwing themselves at people? Is, like, the basis of civilization.

9. St. Paul was just a punk until he was blinded by the light, and Gandhi was just drinking and whoring it up with his friends until he heard the cry of his people.

10. Dr. Do-Right doesn’t trust me with his antibiotics so I gotta hump it up here every day to get my meds. You know, a less magnanimous man than I might just be thinking he could beat the ever-living snot out of you right now without fear of reprisal.

11. He told us to leave, said he didn’t serve our kind. That was racist, and a little bit rude.

12. Maybe it’s the syphilis talking, but… some of that made sense.

13. That is a very difficult thing to do, reading the Bible in one night. I myself have only done it three times. You need great determination and excellent light. I’m very impressed.

14. Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I’ll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

15. What was that rhyme? I scream, you scream, we all scream, cause you faked your death.

Highlight for answers:

1. Barney, How I Met Your Mother, “Okay Awesome”
2. River, Firefly, “Out of Gas”
3. Marshall, Alias, “Time Will Tell”
4. Logan, Veronica Mars, “Weapons of Class Destruction”
5. Tracy, 30 Rock, “The Fighting Irish”
6. Barry Zuckercorn, Arrested Development, “Sad Sack”
7. Liam McPoyle, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, “Charlie Goes America All Over Everyone’s Ass”
8. Rayanne, My So-Called Life, “Dancing in the Dark”
9. Aaron, Wonderfalls, “Totem Mole”
10. Sawyer, Lost, “All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues”
11. Bret, Flight of the Conchords, “Drive By”
12. Xander, Buffy, “Pangs”
13. Mrs. Kim, Gilmore Girls, “Say Goodnight Gracie”
14. Chandler, Friends, “The One With The Blackout”
15. Olive, Pushing Daisies, “Girth”

Round 2:

1. Do you have anything that says ‘Dad Likes Leather’?

2. Well, I’m just… If the paste matches the pants, you can make yourself a pair of paste pants and she won’t know the difference!

3. A man walks down the street in that hat, people know he’s not afraid of anything.

4. Why would somebody give somebody a Christmas sweater for Christmas? You can only wear it that day.

5. I don’t need society’s permission to buy a white dress! Who says this is a wedding dress anyways? In Korea, they wear white to funerals!

6. Pulling. Them. Off.

7. Uh, I feel a little under-dressed, but at least I’m not dressed like a slutty cheerleader, right? Is that mean?

8. I lost my panties last night.

9. Yeah, that’s because I made fun of her shoes and Sam said there were nuclear weapons in Kyrgyzstan and Donna went to clear up the mix up and accidentally left her underwear.

10. Wear the eye patch, Bret. Wear the funky funky eyepatch.

11. Shawn’s going to put on that dress and wait for someone to shoot him.

12. Sweetheart, I don’t do shorts.

Highlight for answers:

1. Tobias, Arrested Development, “Storming the Castle”
2. Joey, Friends, “The One with all the Resolutions”
3. Jayne, Firefly, “The Message”
4. Emerson Codd, Pushing Daisies, “Corpsicle”
5. Liz Lemon, 30 Rock, “Seinfield Vision”
6. Walter, How I Met Your Mother, “Everything Must Go”
7. Pam, The Office, “Diwali”
8. Meredith, Grey’s Anatomy, “Time Has Come Today”
9. Leo, The West Wing, “The Leadership Breakfast”
10. Jemaine-as-Bowie, Flight of the Conchords, “Bowie”
11. Gus, Psych, “Weekend Warriors”
12. Dean, Supernatural, “Wendigo”

Round 3: Awesome Edition

1. You think it’s ’cause we’re so awesome? I think it’s ’cause we’re so awesome.

2. Hey, group hug! Awesome!

3. Beyoncé, pink the color, Pink the person, hot dogs, basically anything that is awesome, snowcones …

4. God! I smell good! You know what it is? It’s awesome. It is awesome. You gotta smell me.

5. Great. Great for you. You must be really proud of yourself. Awesome. Your grandfather’s a Nazi.

6. And someday, when the world is rid of Manbearpig, everyone will say, “Thank you ___ _____, you’re super awesome!” The end.

7. A: How’s your sorority speak? B: Like, awesome! Why?

8. If by “like the Loch Ness Monster,” you mean “totally exists and is awesome,” then, yeah, it’s like the Loch Ness Monster.

9. Party at Caleb’s. That sounds awesome. Maybe a little shuffleboard, a little bingo?

10. Oh please, tell me I’m a suspect! Awesome! ‘Cause,’ cause, you know what I did first? I took a magic potion that made the tissue paper sack I call my heart work, and then I stepped on his neck with the soggy atrophied bread sticks that used to be my legs.

Highlight for answers:

1. Dean, Supernatural, Jus in Belo
2. Captain Awesome, Chuck, Pilot
3. Kelly, The Office, The Carpet
4. Alex Karev, Grey’s Anatomy, Winning the Battle, Losing the War
5. Mac, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia, The Gang Finds a Dead Guy
6. Al Gore, South Park, Manbearpig
7. Keith and Veronica, Veronica Mars, Lord of the Bling
8. Marshall, HIMYM, Matchmaker
9. Summer, The OC, The Test
10. Abner Newsome, Pushing Daisies, Corpsicle

Round 4: All Things Halloween
1. You know what I love about Halloween? It’s the one night of the year chicks use to unleash their inner ho-bag.

2. Well, to have **** explain it, “It’s, blah blah blah blah. It’s so super, fun, and it’s gonna be great!” Lot of gods with unpronounceable names. Twenty minutes later, you find out that it is essentially a Hindu Halloween.

3. When I was little I, like, worshiped Halloween. And truthfully, part of me still does. ‘Cause it’s your one chance all year to be someone else.

4. **** hates Halloween, you know. Makes him moodier than a pumpkin full of PMS.

5. I could have gone to tricks-or-treats! Halloween is over and I missed it! Instead, I spend the night on a pumpkin patch and all that came was a beagle!

6. Halloween is my kind of holiday. It’s not like those other stupid holidays. I don’t get pine needles in my paws. There’s no dumb bunny, no fireworks, no relatives. Just candy. Boom. You go out and you get candy. It’s as simple as that.

7. Hey. **** came as doody.

8. I’m Adam. You know, like Adam & Eve, Adam? Wait till you see my snake.

9. Urge to kill fading… fading… fading… rising! Fading… fading… gone. Come, family. Sit in the snow with Daddy and let us all bask in television’s warm, glowing, warming glow!

10. Of course. I wish I’d thought of that before I put down my deposit. I could’ve been God.

11. I want to be a mad scientist, I’m going to come out in a blood-stained white lab coat and freaky makeup and a big giant Don King kind of hairdo, and I am going to turn the whole front yard into my laboratory!

12. A: Any big Halloween plans?
B: Oh, you know, the usual: slapping on my sexy nurse duds and rolling tweeners for their chocolate.

13. Now that I’m older and… deader… I see that Halloween is amateur night for death.

Answers:

1. Barney, How I Met Your Mother, Slutty Pumpkin
2. Michael, The Office, “Diwali
3. Angela, My So-Called Life, “Halloween”
4. Olive, Pushing Daisies, “Bitches”
5. Sally, “It’s the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown”
6. Garfield, “Garfield in disguise”
7. Joey, Friends, “The One with the Halloween Party”
8. Captain Awesome, Chuck, “Chuck versus the Sandworm”
9. Homer, The Simpsons, Treehouse of Horror V, The Shining
10. Xander, Buffy, “Fear, Itself”
11. Lorelai, Gilmore Girls, “Twenty One is the Loneliest Number
12. Weevil and Veronica, VM, “President Evil
13. George, Dead Like Me, Haunted

Round 5:

1. Well, he’s an ex free-base addict, and he’s trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
2. But I want you to know…I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… You’re too precious for this world!
3. I need to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money. Can you teach me how to do that?
4. The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.
5. My butt just hung up on you.
6. As long as I can be Dean and **** can be Sammy.
7. Well, I’ve got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.
8. Yeah, just cause you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you gotta do porn.
9. Nobody can eat ninety Twinkies.
10. I’ll kill a snitch. I’m not saying I have, I’m not saying I haven’t. You know.
11. Yeah, I’d hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I’d have to kill me.
12. So you’re standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you’re drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think it’s funny!
13. “Matthew is a moron.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not infinity.” “Yes you are infinity plus one.” And this one, “I have doobie in my funk,” which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, “Chocolate City.” Uh, “You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap.”
14. ‘Scuse me, doll. Could I get some more of those chocolate doo-diddles?
15. I  love that you guys live in a dorm. So American. It’s like, let’s all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.

Answers:

1. SNL “Bad Idea Jeans”
2. Sam, Supernatural, “Tall Tales
3. Liz, 30 Rock, “Rosemary’s Baby
4. Miracle Max, “The Princess Bride
5. Blackberry flip phone commercial
6. Shawn, Psych, “The Greatest Adventure in the History of Basic Cable”
7. Captain Jack, Doctor Who, “The Doctor Dances
8. Kumar, Harold and Kumar go to Whitecastle
9. Chuck, Chuck, “Chuck Versus the First Date
10. Peyton Manning, SNL, United Way commercial
11. Jack, Eureka, “Before I Forget
12. Jeff, Coupling, “Sex, Death, and Nudity”
13. Dave, Newsradio, “Complaint Box”
14. Denny’s Serious Breakfast commercial
15. Karen, HIMYM, “Sorry, Bro”

1 Comment Add your own

  • 1. Corbin Cohoon  |  September 11, 2012 at 6:56 pm

    I for one do NOT belive in luck I belive in the POWER of AWESOMENES.As an 12 year old STUDD I am truely awesome.

    Reply

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