Posts tagged ‘Jared Leto’

Dear…

  • Dear Britney Spears,

Please get the hell off of my television.  And please start wearing panties.  No one wants to see your yoo-hoo.    

Sincerely,  

Kegger   

  • Dear politician people,

Please get the hell off of my television.  I don’t like you.  Please go away.

Sincerely,

Kegger    

  • Dear Lindsey Lohan,

You’re a dirty skanky whore.  Please get the hell off of my television.

Sincerely,

Kegger   

  • Dear Paris Hilton,

You’ve got to be the stupidest human being that God has ever created.  Please get the hell off of my television.  And stop saying, “That’s hot,” because it’s not hot at all–it’s actually quite obnoxious.  

Sincerely, 

Kegger     

  • Dear Jared Leto,

You were so freakin’ hot in My So-Called Life.  I mean, seriously, lickably hot.  (You were also seriously hot in Requiem for a Dream until you got all heroinish, and you were also quite lickable in Fight Club until you were beaten into a bloody pulp and got all toothless and ugly.)  Please, get on my television screen more often.  Please.  Or better yet, screw the television, just come sit by me on my couch so I can watch you in person.  But please get rid of the guyliner when you aren’t on stage singing with your band.  

Sincerely,

Kegger

P.S.–You’re hot.      

  • Dear oil executive people,

Please lower gas prices.  I’m begging you.  I’m getting desperate here.  And please stop taking yearly $440 million dollar bonuses.  Seriously, isn’t a million dollar bonus enough?  I mean, after you reach a billion or so, do you really NEED more money?  And if you don’t lower your gas prices, I think someone should go Mr. and Mrs. Smith on your asses and assasinate you all,  and leave creepy letters next to your bodies that say “This is what happens to oil executives who raise gas prices.”  And then, the upcoming oil executives might just be balls scared.  And maybe fear of being assisinated just might keep them from raising gas prices.  [Side Note:  If this really does happen, please take note that I wouldn’t ever seriously assassinate someone.  But it is fun to think about being a spy.  Being a spy could be fun.  Like Sydney Bristow on Alias.  I freakin love that show.  I totally made me want to be a spy.] 

Sincerely,

Kegger  

  • Dear Writer’s Guild of America people,

Thank you thank you thank you for ending the strike.  Please bring back good television as soon as possible!  And please tell the people in charge that shows like “Dance with the Stars,” or “Dance with Your Mom,” or whatever the hell they’re called SUCK!!  Please tell them to get those shows the hell off my television. 

Sincerely,

Kegger  

  • Dear amelie bee,

We seriously need to blog more often.  And we need to work less.  

Sincerely,

Kegger  

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March 12, 2008 at 12:34 am 1 comment


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