Posts filed under ‘random’

We’re Marshall and Lily

The other day, amelie realized that we’re just like Marshall and Lily. Specifically the part of their relationship where they tell each other everything:

Ted: Trust me, not only do they tell each other everything, they want to know everything!

Flashback
Marshall: So after the shower I was brushing my teeth and I was like, oh man I wanted to have some orange juice I should’ve done that first! But I already had the toothpaste on the toothbrush so I just went ahead a brushed them anyway.

Lily: What happened next?!

That is totally us:

kegger: I didn’t get done with work until 5:30.  Ugh.  Not fun for a Friday. Oh well.  Then I went to Friend’s to check on the animals.  They’re good.  Got home at 6:00, got some H2O (I was right, the soup was wonderful on my throat) and then watched that latest Robin Hood movie with Kurt Russell (it sucked ass) and then went to bed.  Now I’m being lazy, but when Husband wakes up, I’m going to have him move Dog’s cage outside for me so I can mop the kitchen, since I didn’t do it last weekend.

How was your night last night?  My cough is a little better.  I can feel gunk breaking up in my chest, so that’s good, I guess??  I dunno.

amelie: My night was fine. I washed, dried, folded, and put away all my clothes. I even washed the duvet cover. There was nothing on last night, so I actually turned the tv off for a while. I was too lazy to turn on my Wii or put a DVD in.

So, yes, we like Marshall and Lily, but mostly we are Marshall and Lily, in a best-friend, non-married, tell-each-other-everything way.

Don’t worry. We’ll keep the TMI moments to ourselves.

 

October 24, 2010 at 11:14 am 1 comment

The healing powers of Sonic’s Tater Tots

Basic Math:

Excedrin + a big, cold, fizzy (Diet) Coke + Sonic tater tots = the best headache remedy ever.

Someone should seriously research this.  I bet Sonic and Coke could market the hell out of it.

Back story: I work with someone who has always SWORN that whenever she gets a headache, she runs to Sonic and grabs some greasy tater tots, and as soon as she’s done eating, her headache’s gone.  I, of course, was a bit skeptical about this.  However, when you have a headache from hell, you’re pretty much willing to try everything short of drilling a hole in your head.   amelie was desperate.  She tried it.  And HOLY MEATBALLS! IT WORKED!  So last Thursday I, too, had a headache from hell, and NOTHING got rid of it.  Not Excedrin.  Not caffeine.  Not prescription pain meds.  NOTHING.  But GREASY FOOD WORKED, OMG!

It either works, or it’s the best placebo in the world.  Either way?  Awesome.

PS: We’re not dead, we’ve been restin’. Pining for the fjords. Hopefully we’ll be back to blogging fairly regularly now.

March 25, 2010 at 11:20 am Leave a comment

It’s official. Our kids are stupid.

This is an actual conversation between the night supervisor at work and a research associate, Brittnay:

Brittnay: I’m gonna leave for an hour to have dinner with family that’s visiting from out of town.  I’ll be back, so can I just leave this call sheet at my cubicle for later?

Supervisor: Yeah ok.  What area are you calling?

Brittnay: What do you mean?

Supervisor: What area of the country are you calling?

Brittnay: Oh.  I don’t know.  They’re nice though!

Supervisor: …you don’t know?

Brittnay: No.  How do I tell?

Supervisor: ...(shocked silence)… Look at the state column on your call sheet.

Brittnay: (long pause as she studies call sheet) it says PA, whatever that means.

Supervisor: …(shocked silence)… Ok.  That means Pennsylvania.

Brittnay: Oh really?  I always wondered what those letters meant.

What’s ESPECIALLY awful is that this chick is 19 years old.  NINETEEN.  I learned my states–and their abbreviations and their capitals and where they were on a map–in freaking SIXTH GRADE!  Sixth grade!  How the heck did she graduate high school if she doesn’t even know what “PA” means under a column titled “State”?  How does she send letters or pay bills?!

I think this is what’s wrong with America today.  Our kids are stupid.

Also, her name is spelled B-R-I-T-T-N-A-Y.  Brittnay.  BRITTNAY.  Not Britney or Brittany, the two most common ways to spell that name, but Brittnay.  You don’t even freaking PRONOUNCE it that way. Ugh.

October 23, 2009 at 12:01 pm 1 comment

Is it just us…

…or is this guy/frog/whatever-the-hell very stereotypically gay?

Ya’ll know that amelie and I have a love/hate relationship with Disney.  Disney is awesome, but then they’ll do something that makes my soul die, like making Tod and Copper not friends.  (It’s just not right, dammit!)  But we’ve ranted about that before.

Well, today I stumbled upon a trailer for their newest Disney animated princess movie:

They’re taking it from The Frog Prince story (except they’re calling it The Princess and the Frog–which totally doesn’t sound right, but whatever, Disney.) and Disney has decided that it’s about time we had a black princess, which I’m fine with.  But the instant I saw this trailer, I thought two things:

  1. Dude.  Who cares if the princess is black?  Fairy tale princesses are NOT ghetto.  And this princess is talking like she wants to be ghetto.  Princesses are trained and schooled and refined.
  2. That frog is so stereotypically gay it’s not even funny.  I mean, I know he’s supposed to be her Prince Charming, and they wear tights and capes and other clothes that would make Liberace jealous, but Prince Frog is trying too hard to play it straight. He probably stays in his castle dancing to Judy Garland records with his “best friend” Michigan J. Frog.

This movie seems doomed from the start.  A ghetto princess, a gay prince, and as amelie brought up to me, you KNOW people are going to bitch about them being an interracial couple.  (Even though, dude, he’s gay.  They’d totally be BFFs, not boyfriend/girlfriend.)  And in response to the interracial couple thing, we present you with  exhibit A:  Beauty and the Beast, and exhibit B:  The Little Mermaid.  What’s worse?  Beastiality or interracial dating?

But still.  That frog is totally gay.

Edit: After we wrote this, amelie said this in an e-mail.  I freaking love it: You know what I realized, editing that post? This is the worst Disney movie ever. It’s got homosexuality, beastiality, and an interracial couple. Now I kind of want to see it.

Edit again in amelie’s defense because she didn’t think anyone but kegger was going to read that: Not that there’s anything wrong with homosexuality or interracial couples. (You’re on your own, chicken lovers). It’s just all three in one movie…it’s a lot. Bold move, Disney.

&  

June 8, 2009 at 2:21 pm Leave a comment

It’s called “sex” not “making love”

Once again, amelie and I have found yet another random thing that we have in common. Last night I was watching Doogie Howser with Puddle. Don’t judge–Niel Patrick Harris on How I Met Your Mother gave Puddle and me the itch to watch it. [amelie: NPH gives me the itch to…um. What?] During the first episode, someone says something about “making love.” amelie and I were e-mailing back and forth (as usual), and I couldn’t help but bring up how much I HATE that phrase. I can’t even tell you why I hate that phrase. I just do. It makes me cringe for some reason every time I hear it. It just seems so awkward and fake and… ick. And of course, since we’re, like, the exact same freakin’ person, she comes back with, OMG, I HATE THAT PHRASE, TOO! [amelie: Technically, I said, “OMG That Term is one of my least favorite phrases EVER!] [kegger: Yeah, yeah. Details, details.]

[Side note: From now on, we will be referring to That Term as “shitting on turtles.”]

I mean, seriously. What the hell does shitting on turtles mean, anyway? How exactly do you shit on turtles? How does that work? The whole phrase makes no sense. In this day and age, half the people who shit on turtles aren’t even in love with each other, they’re just random sex buddies or one night stands. [Side note the second: neither amelie nor I have random sex buddies or one night stands. Not that there’s anything wrong with that; we just don’t roll that way. Unless it’s one of both of one of Two Certain Someones Who Are Too Hot To Live then we might consider it. Because they’re effing hot.] [amelie: Mmhmm.] [kegger: For those of you who are crazy curious, you remember that AWESOME picture that amelie shared with me that we didn’t share? One of the guys is him. And… wow. Just wow.] [amelie: it’s the gift that keeps on giving. You’re welcome.] Since you aren’t in love with the person, you shouldn’t really be able to consider sex with said person to be shitting on turtles.

It’s sex. Plain and simple. It’s just sex. It’s not shitting on turtles. Why do people have so much trouble saying the word “sex”? Why do they have to make it sound all flowery and romantic by calling it shitting on turtles? I don’t get it. Is it one of those words people hate saying, like “penis” or “vagina”? [Side note part the third: I don’t really like the word “vagina.” It just sounds icky to me. Penis, I can handle. But, as you can see, I’m still typing it, instead of calling it something flowery, like “lady parts” or “girly bits” or some other ridiculous phrase.] [amelie: I don’t have a problem with either word. They way I see it, if a kindergartner can say it, so can I.][kegger: I don’t think I knew that word in kindergarten. What teacher did YOU have?!? We called them “tootoo’s” and “peepee’s”. Yes, I know. Cheesy.][amelie: *rolls eyes* I didn’t say I said “penis” or “vagina” in kindergarten. Did you even click on the link? I bet you didn’t. I don’t insert links for my own amusement. Well, okay, I do, but they are informational.][kegger: I’ll get to the link eventually.  I’m a procrastinator, remember?!]

And who talks like that, anyway? If Puddle ever said, “Let’s shit on turtles” to me, I would bust out laughing. I just wouldn’t be able to take it seriously. We just don’t talk like that. It’s weird. Likewise, I would never be able to say, “shit on turtles with me!” and keep a straight face. It’s just too damn cheesy.

I mean… seriously… who says that? Besides the actors on TV.

mostly with a sprinkle of

June 4, 2009 at 1:31 pm 1 comment

There are no words…

For how awful this book is.

And how did we stumble upon this link?  We plead the fifth.  But blaming it on a random WordPress blogroll sounds like a good excuse, don’t you think?!

April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm 1 comment

The most random (and hilarious) thing amelie has ever said:

“How else are you going to take out Somalian pirates? Ethiopian ninjas are fucking stealth. They sneak up and cut a bitch before he even knows he’s been caught. Even Chuck Norris is afraid of Ethiopian ninjas.”

___

April 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm 2 comments

What we hate: Disney Edition

Y’all know kegger and I are virtually the same person. We watch the same TV, read the same books, listen to the same music. Liking the same things also means hating the same things. And here’s one thing we both hate: The Fox and the Hound.

amelie: This is the first movie that ever made me mad that I watched it. I was furious. I remember thinking, “That’s it? THAT’S how it ends? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DISNEY?!” I mean, I loved the beginning. I loved Tod and Copper being cute and having fun and just being friends. And then. And then they grew up. They grew up and life sucked. Like real life. Hey, where’s my happy Disney ending, huh? I don’t watch Disney movies to be depressed or to learn about real life through fables and talking animals. I watch them for the hidden innuendos the FREAKING HAPPY ENDINGS. Tod and Copper are supposed to stay friends. They’re not supposed to hunt each other and hurt each other and almost die because of a freaking bear, gosh. So, what’s the lesson, Disney? That you can’t overcome your differences and be friends with people (or species) who believe different things and lead different lives? Awesome message, Disney. Just fantastic.

It was bad enough watching Bambi’s mother get killed. Now I get to live with the disappointment and disillusionment that a fox and a hound can’t be BFFs.

And that’s probably the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written.

kegger: You forgot when they freaking killed Mufasa.  I’ve decided that Disney secretly likes to torture us. I mean, think about it. They killed Bambi’s mom. They killed Simba’s dad. They turned poor, sweet little Tod and Copper into enemies. AND, in addition to making us cry and pissing us off, they also sneak in pervy little things into their movies. Like priests having woodies, Aladdin telling us to take off our clothes, and leaves spelling out “sex” as they blow away in the breeze. Disney is supposed to be wholesome and feel-good. I’m supposed to have the warm fuzzies when I get done watching a Disney movie. Right? But NO. Instead, I get parents getting killed, sweet little animals hating each other, and priests having woodies. I can tolerate Bambi and The Lion King. But The Fox and the Hound freaking pisses me off. Mermaids obviously don’t exist. Animals don’t speak. There aren’t really faeries that sprinkle sleeping dust on people while the princess is asleep. So WHY the hell did they have to make The Fox and the Hound turn into enemies??! I’m sure that’s what would happen in real life, but this movie isn’t REAL LIFE!  It’s a freaking Disney movie! Disney movies aren’t supposed to be realistic! So yeah. Definitely boycotting The effing Fox and the effing Hound.

amelie: The subliminal pervy stuff is kind of funny. That priest with a boner at Ariel’s wedding? Hi-freaking-larious. And I think it was Genie who said take off your clothes (although I don’t think that one is true. I certainly never heard it.) Bambi breaks my heart, but at least he and Thumper and Flower didn’t hate each other when they grew up. And come on, Flower is a freaking skunk. If anyone is going to get hated on, it’s Flower. The Fox and the Hound: crushing children’s dreams since 1981.

kegger: I LOVE the pervy stuff. Because on the inside, I’m still only twelve-years-old. That’s why I still watch Disney movies! But still. It’s a Disney movie. They aren’t supposed to have woodies in Disney movies! And yeah, Genie (or Aladdin, whatever. I THINK it’s Aladdin, but I can’t remember) TOTALLY says, “Good kids take off their clothes.”  I’ve heard it. Disney, of course, claims that he’s saying, “Good kitty, get up and go!”  But no. He totally doesn’t say that. And why would he whisper it if that’s what he was really saying? I don’t think so. This, by the way, totally makes me want to have a Disney movie day. So we can see/hear all of the Disney pervy moments.

And I’m in complete agreement.  If any Disney character were to lose friends because of what they were, it would be Flower.  Because Flower smells like asshole.  And no matter how awesome he is, no one would want to be around that.  Tod and Copper should have stayed friends.  And because they didn’t, Disney sucks ass.

&     

March 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm 4 comments

Blog? What blog?

It has come to my attention that I’ve been ingnoring the blog lately, so I come with a gift. A peace offering, if you will. And that gift is Rainn Wilson’s Twitter feed.

February 26, 2009 at 3:34 pm Leave a comment

Criss Angel is a Douche Bag

Best episode title ever? Possibly. Will it make tonight’s episode of Supernatural totally awesome, even if it’s totally craptacular? Most definitely. Are kegger and I going to start saying things like, “You know who’s a douche bag? Criss Angel.” all the time? Absofuckinglutely.

You win, Supernatural.

January 22, 2009 at 12:01 pm Leave a comment

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