Posts filed under ‘random amusement’

Who Said That? All things Glee

So, there’s this show called Glee, and it has eaten my brain. I thought we could play a quick Glee edition of Who Said That. Since you already know the show, I want who said each quote and what episode it’s in. Remember the rules, and NO CHEATING.

1. Who’s Josh Groban? Kill yourself! He is an angel sent down to release platinum records unto us. And if he were here right now, I would club you to death with his Critics’ Choice Award.

2. Boy, the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies limed and rotting in shallow graves under the floorboards.

3. We’re planning on smacking them down like the hand of God.

4. Are you guys really that stupid? I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were really roommates.

5. Not everyone’s going to have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance, but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That’s why I pay taxes–it keeps garbage men earning a living…So they can afford tacos. For their family.

6. Kurt was drunk and he ralphed on me. Not really fessing up to how he got the booze just yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a fake I.D. because he looks like an eleven-year-old milkmaid.

7. You’re fired! And I’m taller than you.

8. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I’ve sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens.

9. I don’t think any one decision makes your life…unless you accidentally invent some kind of zombie virus or something.

10. My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I’m not sure what he meant by that, since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom.

11. Bye, white people.

12. Are you an Eve who was born a Steve? Because if you are, I think there’s a special school that would better address your needs. And I think that school’s in Thailand.

13. This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.

14. Do you want to captain the Titanic too?

15. When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.

October 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm 10 comments

Let Us Direct Your Attention

To this little bit of insanity. Look, we don’t watch One Tree Hill, which we’re sure has many wonderful, entertaining moments. But this? Is probably not one of those moments.

Heart transplants: Not funny
Klutzy couriers carrying a cooler with a heart transplant and faceplanting onto the hospital floor: a little funny
Heart projectiling out of the cooler and skidding across the floor: even funnier, but only because it’s a fake heart on a fictional tv show and no real hearts were damaged during filming.
Random dog in a hospital waiting room: WTF? No, really. WTF is a dog doing in a hospital waiting room? Dudes, we live in Mississippi and even here they don’t allow dogs in hospital waiting rooms.
Random dog EATING THE FAKE HEART and NO ONE DOES ANYTHING TO STOP HIM: HAHAHAHAHAHA OMG WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?! HAHAHAHAHA! oh, what the hell. HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Pause. Rewind. Play. Pause. Rewind. Play.

Yep. Never gets old.

June 2, 2009 at 10:02 am Leave a comment

Horsing around!

After watching the Kentucky Derby (for like, the first time EVER), I noticed that all of those horses have pretty ridiculous names.  I mean, seriously.  “Mine That Bird”?  What kind of name is that?*

So I started thinking, what would I name my horse if it was in the Kentucky Derby?  It obviously has to be a stupid name, judging by all of the other Derby horse’s names.  So amelie and I, being the procrastinators that we are, decided to come up with Derby horse names instead of working!  And here’s our list:

Turd Baby

I Eat Babies

Shut Your Cakehole

Farts A Lot

Homestretch

You’re a Loser

Sperm For Sale (for the studs)

I’m For Sale (for the mares)

Knock Me Up

Suck It Losers

Eat My Dust

Easy Rider

Ball Buster

*Just so you know, we aren’t making fun of horses, horse racing, or jockeys or horse owners. All we are saying is that some of the names are silly–like dog show dogs and their own brand of silly names. We’re sure there’s a reason for having long, goofy names. If anyone allowed kegger and me name horses, those names would be dirty and goofy.

&  

May 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm 2 comments

There are no words…

For how awful this book is.

And how did we stumble upon this link?  We plead the fifth.  But blaming it on a random WordPress blogroll sounds like a good excuse, don’t you think?!

April 8, 2009 at 2:41 pm 1 comment

The most random (and hilarious) thing amelie has ever said:

“How else are you going to take out Somalian pirates? Ethiopian ninjas are fucking stealth. They sneak up and cut a bitch before he even knows he’s been caught. Even Chuck Norris is afraid of Ethiopian ninjas.”

___

April 8, 2009 at 2:22 pm 2 comments

Public Service Announcement

The more you know:

We all need a little more laughter in the world. It may not actually be the best medicine, but laughter is more important than you think. If you feel like you haven’t laughed in ages, Party Down is here to help. Whatever tickles your funny bone–inappropriate situations, schadenfreude, juvenile humor, prank phone calls–Party Down has you covered.

Visit Party Down for more information.

April 3, 2009 at 11:44 am Leave a comment

Boredom + Fun quotes = This

I have no excuse for this, other than I recently watched my favorite NewsRadio episode and received divine inspiration in the form of complete foolishness. So, have some inspiration.

The Complaint Box, as told by the gang from How I Met Your Mother:

(more…)

March 30, 2009 at 2:04 pm Leave a comment

Jesus Goose

It might be because I was slightly inebriated.  Or it could just be that this was the most freakin’ awesome goose ever.

But I should probably start at the beginning.  Last week, I flew up to Minnesota to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday.  He was most definitely surprised.  While I was visiting, we also had a surprise birthday party/retirement party for him at a bar that was next to a lake.

Mississippi has been relatively warm for the last couple of weeks.  Warm meaning buttercups were blooming, and flip flop fanatics like amelie and myself were putting on our flippie floppies even if it meant that our toes might be slightly frozen.  Just because flip flops are awesome.

Anyway. It’s just now getting warm (occasionally) in Minnesota, so even though it was a nice 60 degrees outside, there was still a bit of snow on the ground, and a thin layer of ice still covered the lake.

Look, I’m not one for bars.  I get bored.  And I don’t like to be around crowds of people when I don’t know anyone.  So I escaped outside to the lake.  And there, in the middle of the lake, was Jesus Goose.

Jesus Goose was TOTALLY walking on water!  I mean, SERIOUSLY WALKING ON WATER!

Or at least it looked like he was at first.  But then I realized that the middle of the lake still had a very thin layer of ice on the top of it.  So thin that you couldn’t really tell it was ice at all.

I immediately wanted a picture of Jesus Goose.  But, unfortunately, that didn’t happen, because I didn’t have my camera handy, and Jesus Goose had flown away by the time I did get my camera.  I patiently waited for Jesus Goose come back so I could capture him on film.

Alas, it wasn’t to be.  Jesus Goose is a mysterious deity, and he didn’t want to pose for a picture.

But he has graced others with his presence, and they were fortunate enough to have cameras.

Behold:  Jesus Goose!  goose22

March 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm 1 comment

Who Said That: A little of this, a little of that

Rules are still the same. No Googling. Just to make it more fun, I’ve mixed commercial quotes, quotes from TV shows, and movie quotes. There’s no theme this time. I’ll post all the answers in The Arcade in a few days.

1. Well, he’s an ex free-base addict, and he’s trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
2. But I want you to know, I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… You’re too precious for this world!
3. I need to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money. Can you teach me how to do that?
4. The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.
5. My butt just hung up on you.
6. As long as I can be Dean and **** can be Sammy.
7. Well, I’ve got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.
8. Yeah, just cause you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you gotta do porn.
9. Nobody can eat ninety Twinkies.
10. I’ll kill a snitch. I’m not saying I have, I’m not saying I haven’t. You know what I mean. Whatever.
11. Yeah, I’d hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I’d have to kill me.
12. So you’re standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you’re drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think it’s funny!
13. “Matthew is a moron.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not infinity.” “Yes you are infinity plus one.” And this one, “I have doobie in my funk,” which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, “Chocolate City.” Uh, “You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap.”
14. ‘Scuse me, doll. Could I get some more of those chocolate doo-diddles?
15. I love that you guys live in a dorm. So American. It’s like, let’s all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.

March 25, 2009 at 10:38 pm 16 comments

We can moss if we want to!

It all started with an innocent e-mail from my dad:
I Just wanted ya to know I love you and moss you.

For some reason, it cracked me up a little more than it should. So I replied back: I moss you, too, Dad!

And then, of course, I had to share my dorkiness with amelie.

Who then said: Does your dad watch IT Crowd? (Which is an awesome show with a character named Moss. It also has characters named Roy and Jen.)

No, he doesn’t. So THEN, amelie said: I’ll moss your emails this week. I know you’ll be online some, but not much. But I’ll just Roy through it and we can Jen it up when you get back. 🙂

So now we’ve been mossing it up all afternoon. And it’s definitely become a thing. I’m kind of loving it.

March 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm 3 comments

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