Posts filed under ‘Poop’

Olympic Thoughts

If you’re going to the Beijing Olympics, sure, you have Tiananmen Square and the Great Wall and the Forbidden City to look forward to.

But what else do you have to look forward to?

Squatty potties!!!! And that’s not even the worst one. That’s actually a sophisticated squatty potty. That one flushes. What to see one that’s even worse? [amelie: Absofuckinglutely not. No. Please, kegger. Don’t do it.]

And that picture doesn’t even come close to doing it justice. That potty was nasty. There are no words. [amelie: I told you not to do it, but you did it anyway. Damn you!]

Enjoy China, everyone! I sure did when I went there! But maaaaaan was I glad when I got home!!!!!

Additional tips: You think plane bathrooms are bad? No. Compared to squatty potties, they’re the best thing in the history of the universe. Use it one last time, while you can. There is ONE Western toilet in the Beijing airport in each of the women’s bathrooms. The rest are squatties. Take that chance and use it one last time. The nicer hotels probably have western toilets, but you’re pretty much screwed everywhere else you go, so if I were you, I’d drink as little as possible while I was over there and only pee in my hotel.

Also, it’s okay to drink their green tea (which is pretty much all anyone over there offers you)–it doesn’t make you poo like Mexico’s water. [amelie: You know what? I’m never going anywhere with you ever.]

August 6, 2008 at 3:31 pm 6 comments

I’m a little disturbed…

By how many people search for the word “poo” and stumble upon our blog.  30 searches for the word “poo” yesterday.  And one for “girls pooping.”  Ew.  I don’t think I want to know what that’s about.  


May 26, 2008 at 9:23 am 2 comments

Everybody poops.

I have always wondered why the discussion ofpoo.jpg bodily functions got to be such a taboo topic, seeing as to we all have the same bodily functions, more or less.  How did it get to be such an odd topic?  If we all do it, what’s the big deal? 

Public Poops  

There’s just something about pooping in public that’s just… unpleasant.  That’s not something you want to do around other people.  Remember life in the dorm room?  My freshman year, after the first few weeks, there was one particular stall in the very back of the bathroom that unofficially became designated the “poop” stall.  If someone was in that stall, you knew they were pooping.  You didn’t go into that stall if you didn’t have to poop.  Peeing was reserved for the front stalls.  The back stall also happened to be the darkest stall (the toilet area of the bathroom wasn’t very well lit, anyway.)  Maybe that is one reason why people preferred it.  When someone else came into the bathroom while the pooper was mid-poop, the pooper would freeze, and just kind of be quiet and invisible until the other person left.  I think it’s that way it is with any public poop, though.  You try to be as quiet and inconspicuous as possible, and you try to get your poops out during toilet flushes, or while the hand blow dryer-thingie is running. 

 Guy Poops

I always thought that most men weren’t as bashful about pooping as girls were.  I think I might have been wrong about that.  Well, either that, or my husband is a little bit odd. 

I’m a kind of blunt person, and I’m not very tactful sometimes, I admit.  Seeing as how we’ve almost been married for two years, I don’t think pooping is that big of a deal anymore.  I don’t bother  locking the door when I poop, I just close it.  He knows that if the door is closed, he shouldn’t go in there.  However, he STILL locks the door when he poops.  AND he turns the sink faucet on and runs the water while he poops.  (He’s never admitted it, but I highly suspect this is to drown out the sound of pooping.)  I’ve never seen a guy so strange when it comes to pooping, I thought they were open and… gross about it, but I guess maybe I was wrong. 

Getting married taught me a lot about guys that I had no clue about before.  For example, all of my husband’s family (the males, anyway)–his brother, his dad, his grandfather, etc.–ALL use baby wipes to wipe their asses with after a poop.  I had never heard of this before.  Why not just use toilet paper?!?  Now that I’ve gotten used to it, it DOES make sense–I do think that it probably cleans better than dry tissue paper, but still.  I’d never seen that before.  I mentioned this to my mom after I got married, and I learned that my stepdad also has strange wiping habits after he poops, although they are different habits.  He wets his tissue paper with alcohol.  What?!?!?  WHY?!  That seems even odder to me. 

So, are baby wipes and alcohol normal for guys?  Was I just uninformed? 

Stinky Poops

This guy that I used to work with, we’ll call him Fred, used to have the STINKIEST poops in the history of the universe.  Matches, candles, and air freshener could NOT get rid of his stench.  We would open the doors, put a fan in the bathroom, and it would still smell like asshole in there.  His poops lasted  And he pooped like clockwork every day at around 10:00.  I have to say, I felt bad for the guy, because he was kind of a social outcast, anyway (he also didn’t cut his fingernails.  Which was just gross.)  but still, he didn’t make life any better for himself because he pooped so openly in public.  It would have been one thing if he didn’t have the stinkiest poops in the history of the universe, but he DID.  If I were him, I would at least have driven to a gas station or something where no one knew me or something.  He also had the tendency to poot all day long, so his cubicle was quite stinky.  But what I want to know is, WHY were his poops so stinky?  They were in a different league with any other poop I’ve ever had the misfortune of smelling.  Why?!  What makes one person’s poops capable of knocking someone out, and another person’s no big deal? 

June 22, 2007 at 1:55 pm 1 comment

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