Posts filed under ‘bitch’

A little advice to defendants going to trial…

After spending one painfully long day in court for jury duty, I have one word of advice to those who are going to be a defendant in a trial.  

DON’T scowl and glare at the prospective jury that will be holding your life in their hands.  That makes us think that you’re automatically guilty and that you’re an asshole and that you’re being overly defensive for some reason.  

Just sit there.  You don’t have to smile and look all happy (that might actually be kind of creepy, seeing as how you’re on trial and all), but it’s not wise to glare and purse your lips at the jury and stare them all down like you want to beat their asses.  Remember, you’re innocent until proven guilty, but if you glare at the people who get to decide your fate, you’re not exactly starting on the right foot.  

You’d think that would be common sense.  

Update:  The scowling defended was most definitely guilty.  He got 10 years in jail.  See?  Told ya.  Don’t give your jury the evil eye.  

May 12, 2008 at 7:34 pm Leave a comment

What is it about bras?

Some days, they’re completely fine.  Other days, I just want to rip them off and cut them up into little pieces and burn them because they’re so uncomfortable. 

Today is one of those tear the bra apart days. And I’m wearing the same damn one I wore yesterday!  It was fine yesterday, and today it feels so uncomfortable that I’m tempted to rip it off here at work and throw it in the trash.  But then again, I’m not much for jiggly boobies, especially at the work place. 


April 17, 2008 at 12:04 pm Leave a comment

Sometimes it would be so much fun to be a bitch

Everyday, I drive by this catering company called “Nation’s Best Catering.”  It ticks me off every time.  I’ve never actually tried their catering to see if it’s actually good or not, but I think it’s pretty damn cocky (not to mention impossible to prove, and therefor it’s kind of false advertising when you think about it) to name your company “Nation’s Best Catering.” 

 So I was driving to work the other day and I was particularly grumpy–mostly because I was being someone who was going BELOW the speed limit (which is one of my pet peeves)  and also because I didn’t want to be awake, anyway–and I decided that catering company really annoyed me. 

And that if I ever got a chance to do it (even though I know absolutely nothing at all about catering) I would by the building RIGHT next to it, and open a catering company called “World’s Best Catering,” just to piss them off. 

Wouldn’t that be fun?!  That’s become a fantasy of mine.  Sometimes, I think it would be a lot of fun to be a bitch and do things like that. 

Another fantasy of mine:  I want to buy one of those 1970’s or 80’s Cadillacs.  You know, of of those big ass cars that is pure metal.  The ones where if you hit a tree, the tree falls over, but there isn’t even a dent in the car.  I want one of those cars.  And I want to get an asslodad of insurance on it, and then, when people pull out in front of me or when they drive like idiots around me, I’m just going to stop slamming on my breaks to keep from hitting them.  I’m just going to hit them and start collecting insurance money.  I bet I would have so many wrecks that it would be a daily occurance. 

I’ve decided that the driving test needs to be much more difficult than it is. 

Also concerning driving:  There is actually a woman who drives a white Lexus that lives somewhere around my husband and I, and every morning and every afternoon on her way home from work, she reads while driving.  SHE FREAKING READS A BOOK WHILE DRIVING!  I like to read, too, but seriously!  That’s dangerous!  I keep expecting to see her in a wreck one afternoon.  I mean, you can only tempt fate so much, right?  And she’s most definitely not paying attention to her driving. 

March 31, 2008 at 2:33 pm 2 comments

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