Archive for October, 2009

Who Said That? All things Glee

So, there’s this show called Glee, and it has eaten my brain. I thought we could play a quick Glee edition of Who Said That. Since you already know the show, I want who said each quote and what episode it’s in. Remember the rules, and NO CHEATING.

1. Who’s Josh Groban? Kill yourself! He is an angel sent down to release platinum records unto us. And if he were here right now, I would club you to death with his Critics’ Choice Award.

2. Boy, the only thing missing from this place is a couple dozen bodies limed and rotting in shallow graves under the floorboards.

3. We’re planning on smacking them down like the hand of God.

4. Are you guys really that stupid? I bet you thought Bert and Ernie were really roommates.

5. Not everyone’s going to have the walnuts to take a pro-littering stance, but I will not rest until every inch of our fair state is covered in garbage. That’s why I pay taxes–it keeps garbage men earning a living…So they can afford tacos. For their family.

6. Kurt was drunk and he ralphed on me. Not really fessing up to how he got the booze just yet, but I’m pretty sure it’s not a fake I.D. because he looks like an eleven-year-old milkmaid.

7. You’re fired! And I’m taller than you.

8. Here I am, about to turn 30, and I’ve sacrificed everything, only to be shanghaied by the bi-curious machinations of a cabal of doughy, misshapen teens.

9. I don’t think any one decision makes your life…unless you accidentally invent some kind of zombie virus or something.

10. My father always said you become a man when you buy your first house. I’m not sure what he meant by that, since he burned ours down once after a drunken fight with Mom.

11. Bye, white people.

12. Are you an Eve who was born a Steve? Because if you are, I think there’s a special school that would better address your needs. And I think that school’s in Thailand.

13. This is where our daughter or gay son will sleep.

14. Do you want to captain the Titanic too?

15. When I woke up, I knew it was a message from God. Rachel was a hot Jew and the Good Lord wanted me to get into her pants.

October 23, 2009 at 1:10 pm 10 comments

It’s official. Our kids are stupid.

This is an actual conversation between the night supervisor at work and a research associate, Brittnay:

Brittnay: I’m gonna leave for an hour to have dinner with family that’s visiting from out of town.  I’ll be back, so can I just leave this call sheet at my cubicle for later?

Supervisor: Yeah ok.  What area are you calling?

Brittnay: What do you mean?

Supervisor: What area of the country are you calling?

Brittnay: Oh.  I don’t know.  They’re nice though!

Supervisor: …you don’t know?

Brittnay: No.  How do I tell?

Supervisor: ...(shocked silence)… Look at the state column on your call sheet.

Brittnay: (long pause as she studies call sheet) it says PA, whatever that means.

Supervisor: …(shocked silence)… Ok.  That means Pennsylvania.

Brittnay: Oh really?  I always wondered what those letters meant.

What’s ESPECIALLY awful is that this chick is 19 years old.  NINETEEN.  I learned my states–and their abbreviations and their capitals and where they were on a map–in freaking SIXTH GRADE!  Sixth grade!  How the heck did she graduate high school if she doesn’t even know what “PA” means under a column titled “State”?  How does she send letters or pay bills?!

I think this is what’s wrong with America today.  Our kids are stupid.

Also, her name is spelled B-R-I-T-T-N-A-Y.  Brittnay.  BRITTNAY.  Not Britney or Brittany, the two most common ways to spell that name, but Brittnay.  You don’t even freaking PRONOUNCE it that way. Ugh.

October 23, 2009 at 12:01 pm 1 comment

From Dixie, with love

I woke up this morning to this lovely little ESPN article.

I’ll give you a little back story.  amelie and I live in Mississippi.  We’re Southern girls.  We went to college at Ole Miss, and we’re very proud of that.  We like our little town, we like being Southern, and no, we’re not racist.  Not even a little bit.

But living in the South has its drawbacks.  People walk on tip toes when it comes to anything related to race.  We don’t want to offend people.  And Ole Miss, particularly, has a bad history when it comes to race relations, so the administration tends to tread even more carefully than everyone else.

Before, during, and after every football game, the Ole Miss Band (“The Pride of the South”) plays From Dixie with Love, which gets all the students pumped up.  A few years ago–I’m not even sure who started it or why–at the every end of the song, drunken college students started chanting, “The South will rise again!”

Okay.  I have mixed feelings about this.  On the one hand, I can honestly say that I don’t think ANYONE who yells that is saying in any way that they’d like black people to be slaves again.  I don’t think ANYONE means it that way.  The way I take it is, one day the South isn’t going to be the armpit of the United States.  One day, we’re going to be awesome [amelie: It already is, but it’s a well-kept secret. Shh. Don’t tell.] One day, people will acknowledge that the SEC has the best football teams [amelie: Word].  That the people in the South are really nice and not uneducated rednecks. [amelie: More specifically, uneducated rednecks live everywhere, not just the South.] One day, we’ll have salaries that compare with the rest of the country.  One day, people won’t think of a Southern accent as a bad thing. [amelie: One day, Hollywood will learn that Louisiana accents ARE NOT THE SAME as Mississippi accents, which aren’t the same as Georgia accents, and that Texas is West not South.] One day, the South will be equal to the rest of the United States.

It’s a nice dream, right?  I think so.  Probably won’t happen any time soon (if ever) but there’s nothing wrong with dreaming.

Having said that, I can see why people are offended.  I don’t really care whether people say it or not.  I’m kind of neutral on the whole thing.  Mostly because I’m not very politically correct and I think it’s stupid to TRY to be politically correct, because you’re ALWAYS going to offend someone.  But I can see why people don’t like it, and I can completely understand why people are trying to stop others from saying it.

(But why is replacing “The South will rise again” with “To Hell with LSU!” any better?  Couldn’t that be considered hateful, too? [amelie: Hell fucking no. What kind of Rebel fan are you?!]) [kegger:  I’m just sayin’.  You’re wishing someone to go to hell.  Which, yeah, I know we say that EVERY FREAKING game, but still.  Can’t they both be considered hateful?  Yes.  They can.] [amelie: IT’S ENTIRELY DIFFERENT. Also: WTF–“To Hell with LSU?” Ew. Why not stick with the less-retarded, more action-packed “Go to Hell, LSU?”][kegger: Because apparently it doesn’t fit and flow with the chant.  Even though it has the freaking EXACT same amount of syllables.]

Anyway.  I can understand why the University is trying to stop that chant.  But you’d REALLY think that they’d realize by now that if you ask the students not to do something like that (remember the flag debacle?  Or when they tried to get rid of Colonel Reb?) it’s just going to piss them off and they’re going to do it even more?

A lot of people didn’t even really know about the chant.  You could really only hear it from the student section.  So bringing it to attention (in the student newspaper, and in the Tupelo paper) just made it worse.  Now, once again, we’re in the national news because we’re supposedly racist.  And once again, people think we’re uneducated rednecks.

In reality, it probably would have gone away on it’s own (students had already started a whole grassroots movement thing to replace it with “To hell with LSU”–and it was working) [amelie: GO TO HELL LSU OH MY GOD. I will not chant “To hell with LSU.” GROSS.] if people had just let it go.  Now?  It’s probably here to say just because they pissed people off.

Good job, university officials!  Thanks for bringing it to everyone’s attention and making it worse!

Maybe I’m looking at it the wrong way.  But I’m just so sick of only ever hearing negative things about Ole Miss.  There’s a lot of great things going on there, but you never get to hear about them.  Instead, you only hear about the occasional controversy.

Maybe one day we’ll get away from our past, but either way, we all know that it will be a VERY long time before the South rises again–if we ever do. [amelie: because, let’s face it, in this economy, we’re all poor.  If there are two things America needs right now, it’s sunshine and optimism. Also angels. Or hot guys in leather jackets.]

October 23, 2009 at 11:39 am 4 comments


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