Archive for May, 2009

Finale Wrap-Up Part 1

It’s finale season again, and we same-brained girls thought we’d hook y’all up with a cheat sheet of different shows and how they ended. Some shows we watch and love, some shows we watch and merely tolerate, and some shows we don’t watch at all. But we are dedicated professionals here to give you the skinny. Look for Part 2 after Monday’s How I Met Your Mother finale.

The Office, Company Picnic

Break-Ups: Dunder-Mifflin and the Buffalo branch via an awkward Slumdunder Mifflinaire skit performed by Michael and Holly.

Make-Ups: Holly and Michael, friends forever. But maybe more. Many, many years down the road. Jim and Dwight‘s frenemy relationship was a little more on the friend side of the spectrum, which is always nice to see. Also looks like there could be a Dwight and Angela reconciliation next season.

Shake-Ups: Stanley actually has a good time at a work-related event that doesn’t involve free pretzels. And, oh yeah. Could Pam be pregnant?! What else would put those happy tears in Jim‘s eyes?

Tumor count: none that we know of.

Possible Spin-off: Holly and Michael’s Movie Hour, in which Holly Flax and Michael Scott reinact recent blockbuster movies. Star Trek, anyone?

—-

Chuck, Chuck vs. the Ring

Break-Ups: Chuck and the spy world, briefly. Bryce and life permanently (as far as we can tell. He did come back from the dead once before). Chuck and Ellie, briefly (and not like that gutter-brains. A girl’s got a right to be mad at her brother when his secret spy life destroys her wedding plans, even if Jeffster’s impromptu Mr. Roboto performance was a glorious sight.)

Make-Ups: Chuck and Ellie, because that gorgeous beach wedding was the perfect I’m-sorry-I-screwed-up-your-other-wedding gift. Chuck and the Intersect 2.0 (3.0? How many Intersects are there?). Boy’s got kung-fu skills, y’all! Kick ass.

Shake-Ups: Chuck downloads the newest Intersect. Not only does Chuck have all those sketchy government secrets bouncing around in his skull, he’s now got special abilities. Stephen Bartowski, Chuck and Ellie’s father, has an Intersect in his brain, too.

Tumor count: none, but Daddy B went all pale and shaky after his Intersect flash. Things don’t look stellar for him, health-wise.

Possible Spin-Off: Major Casey’s Major Weddings, in which Casey, with the help of his team of special-op military men, plans the big day for lucky couples.

—–

Grey’s Anatomy
Break-Ups:  George and Seattle Grace, briefly, as George enlists to be an Army doctor. George and life, possibly permanently, as he promptly gets run over by a bus and causes a situation that’s suspiciously similar to an ER episode. Izzie and her tumor, permanently. Izzie and life, possibly permanently.

Make-Ups:  George and Seattle Grace.  I mean, he got hit by a bus, y’all.  Where else was he gonna go?

Shake-Ups:  Izzie loses a tumor, but gains a short-term memory problem (that’s suspiciously a lot like 50 First Dates).  She and George might be dead.  Right now, they’re just hanging out together in an elevator. Meredith and Derek get married via Post-It notes. I know this isn’t covered in med school, but Post-It note marriages aren’t recognized in the state of…well, any state in the Union.

Tumor Count:  One.  That is, until Derek slices it out.  And yes, he got all of it.  Buh-bye ghost-sex-enducing tumor.  We’ll miss you.  Er, well, actually, we’ll just miss Jeffrey Dean Morgan.

Possible Spin-Offs: If Wishes Were Tumors, in which Izzie’s ghost-sex causing brain tumor eats the brains of the most annoying characters on other tv shows. We Stole This From ER, in which writers of various dramas watch endless hours of ER, rip off different plots and rework them.

—-

Dollhouse, Omega
Break-Ups: Ballard and Mellie, who is actually November who is actually Madeleine. Caroline and life, briefly. Ballard and the FBI, possibly permanently.

Make-Ups:  Ballard and the Dollhouse, as Ballard becomes a consultant or some shit to help Adele and co. find Alpha.

Shake-Ups:  Claire is a doll! CLAIRE IS A DOLL!  Why the eff couldn’t they have spent more time on this story? Alan Tudyk’s ripped bod. Sweet baby Jesus. I didn’t know Wash had it in him.

Tumor Count: None yet, but we’re banking that all that mucking around in people’s brains can’t be good long-term

Possible Spin-Off:  Scientifically Programmed Killers, in which Alpha and Echo decide they like their Mickey and Mallory alter egos and go on a twisted killing/love-making spree.

May 16, 2009 at 2:36 pm 2 comments

Weekly Wrap-up

This isn’t a what we loved/what we hated list. I have a lot of hate for a certain show which is dead to me (DEAD TO ME FOREVER, and no, I don’t want to talk about it), and I wanted to focus on the happy. So this is a Weekly Wrap-Up of the stuff we liked, with a few criticisms thrown in, just because. –ab

TV:

The Office
amelie: I kind of adored this episode. It was light and fun and there was no real drama. I agree with Michael–Cafe Disco is a magical place. I think Erin, the new receptionist, is adorable. She fits in well with the Scranton crew without trying too hard. And she has fun in the office, you can tell. I still can’t figure out why Dwight had to take his shirt off to give Phyllis a horse massage, though…

Favorite Moment: Kelly and Andy’s dance-off.

kegger:  At the beginning of this episode, I was thinking, man, Michael’s REALLY having a hard time getting back into the groove of things at Dunder Mifflin.  But THEN, he invented Cafe Disco.  And then I was like, oh, Michael, you’re awesome.  Loved it!  [Completely Unrelated Side note:  Does anyone else think think that Ryan’s next issue is going to be an eating disorder?  Since he was all like, “I’ve discovered since becoming a temp again that food is the only thing I can control.”?  Thoughts?]

amelie: He’s totally going to get an eating disorder. And Kelly and Andy’s new friendship is going to exacerbate things.

How I Met Your Mother

amelie: Stella is not the mother. Let me say that one more time. Stella is not the mother. She’s integral to Ted finding the mother, but she ain’t it. $5 says I’m right. In other news, Barney is a man whore, and, oh yeah, Barney loves Robin.

I have to say, as much as I enjoyed this week’s episode (the non-linear explanation of Ted getting to that particular corner at that particular time was brilliant, vintage HIMYM funnage), I miss Lily so much. There was this gaping hole in the Intervention scene, and it hurt. Come back, Lilypad. The gang needs you. (Slightly off topic, but kegger, if you ever need a cheap gift for me, I wouldn’t say no to an Intervention banner.)

Favorite Moment: Marshall’s Venn diagram of Cecilia (people who are breaking my heart/people who are shaking my confidence daily. Oh, Cecilia. I’m down on my knees. From laughter.)

kegger:  I’m going to seriously be pissed if Stella is the mother (which she’s totally not) because I hold grudges and that bitch left Ted at the altar.  That’s all I have to say about that.  And omg, LOVE Marshall and his charts!  But yeah.  I, too, miss Lily.

Pushing Daisies

amelie: Man. Just, man. You know who sucks? ABC. ABC is a bunch of rat bastards from hell and I hope they suffer. I managed to get my hands on the final three episodes (I have kickass friends) and they were awesomely bittersweet. I appreciate Bryan Fuller and how he wrapped everything up, but I want more. There’s this rule of good writing: show, don’t tell. I know the constraints of a short season and getting the can made this difficult, but I want to SEE how it plays out. I mean, I’m glad I was told how it goes down, but it’s not the same. I’m really going to miss the Pie Hole and all its peeps.

I’m not complaining. I’m really not. I was satisfied and happy with how it ended. I’m just frustrated that it had to end at all, I guess.

kegger:  Haven’t seen it yet.  😦  One day….

Music

Metric, Fantasies

amelie: This is a fun, kind of mellow, kind of weird album, and I like it.
Favorite Song: “Twilight Galaxy”

kegger:  I freaking love this entire album.  It makes me bounce my head.
Favorite Songs:  “Blindness,” “Help I’m Alive,” and “Twilight Galaxy”

Yeah Yeah Yeah’s, It’s Blitz!

kegger:  I haven’t listened to it quite as much as I’ve listened to the Metric album, but I still love it so far.
Favorite Songs:  “Heads Will Roll” and “Hysteria”

amelie: I’ve been listening to this one, too, but I haven’t heard enough of it to have a favorite song.

The Clash, London Calling

amelie: I’ve been going through an old-school phase lately, and this has been on heavy rotation on my iPod. I really enjoy this album. I don’t have any concrete reason, I just think it’s awesome.
Favorite Song: “Lost in the Supermarket”

Books

amelie: I still haven’t read anything worth talking about. I really need to look into that.

kegger: I’m currently in a YA phase.  I just finished reading The Summoning by um… Kelley Armstrong, I think?  Not bad.  Very quick read (as in, I started and finished it on the same night).  I’m also reading Jesus for President, by Shane Clairborne.  It’s a very pretty book.  You should totally go look at it in a bookstore, because it’s pretty and artistic and fun.

Movies

Leatherheads

amelie: Eh. It was okay. John Krasinski is adorable, and George Clooney is still one of the most handsome men ever. But I felt like this movie was trying too hard. It wanted to capture the sparkle and fun of the Katharine Hepburn/Carey Grant movies like “Bringing Up Baby” and “Philadelphia Story”, but it failed spectacularly. The convoluted war story tied in with professional football…I didn’t get it. And, honestly, I’d rather watch Katharine Hepburn eat kitty litter than just about anything Renee Zellwegger has done lately. Um. Was that mean?

Zack and Miri Make a Porno

kegger:  It’s about what you’d expect, being a Kevin Smith movie and all.  But I DO have to say that while I’m a fan of Seth Rogen, he’s beginning to seem like the same character in every single movie he’s been in lately.  Anyway, it’s a pretty good movie.  Lots of boobs.  Lots of ass.  We even see a wang, and some balls.  The only thing I was slightly dissatisfied with was the ending.  It was a happy ending, but the whole point of the movie was that Zack and Miri were making a porno, right?  Well, I won’t ruin it, but I’ll just say that the movie seemed slightly unfinished.  But it was decent, and good for a laugh.

Quantum of Solace

kegger:  It was TOTALLY not a James Bond movie.  He only got one girl (he’s at LEAST supposed to bang two girls per movie!  That’s like, a rule or something!), he had NO cool, fancy gadgets, and he was dark and broody.  I’m sorry, but James Bond is NOT dark and broody.  He’s a man whore who likes cool gadgets and Aston Martin cars.  Jason Bourne is dark and broody.  Not James Bond.  But, if you pretend that it’s not a James Bond movie, it’s not bad, I guess.

The Day The Earth Stood Still

kegger:  (I know, I know, I’ve watched an assload of movies this week.  Sue me.  It was rainy, and I couldn’t go outside!)  Meh.  That’s all I have to say.  The movie was just meh.  First off, Keaun Reeve’s character is coming to earth to kill humanity because we’re killing the planet.  But then he goes and saves people and stuff.  Why, if you’re just going to off them, anyway?  It was stupid, and it didn’t add up.  And that’s all I have to say about that.

amelie: Where did you find time to watch all those movies?!

kegger: I watched ALL of those movies on Sunday afternoon.  You know, since it was raining all freaking day.  And also because we’d been sitting on 3 Netflix rentals for over a week.  So… yeah.  We just got rid of them all at once.
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May 8, 2009 at 11:20 am 1 comment

Horsing around!

After watching the Kentucky Derby (for like, the first time EVER), I noticed that all of those horses have pretty ridiculous names.  I mean, seriously.  “Mine That Bird”?  What kind of name is that?*

So I started thinking, what would I name my horse if it was in the Kentucky Derby?  It obviously has to be a stupid name, judging by all of the other Derby horse’s names.  So amelie and I, being the procrastinators that we are, decided to come up with Derby horse names instead of working!  And here’s our list:

Turd Baby

I Eat Babies

Shut Your Cakehole

Farts A Lot

Homestretch

You’re a Loser

Sperm For Sale (for the studs)

I’m For Sale (for the mares)

Knock Me Up

Suck It Losers

Eat My Dust

Easy Rider

Ball Buster

*Just so you know, we aren’t making fun of horses, horse racing, or jockeys or horse owners. All we are saying is that some of the names are silly–like dog show dogs and their own brand of silly names. We’re sure there’s a reason for having long, goofy names. If anyone allowed kegger and me name horses, those names would be dirty and goofy.

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May 5, 2009 at 12:34 pm 2 comments


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