Archive for April 13, 2009

Friendship Over

Dear Facebook,

We need to talk.

I think we should see other people. It’s not me, it’s you. I feel like we’ve grown apart. We’re different people now, and it’s time for me to move on. Even though I stuck with you through your many face-lifts, I can’t sit by any longer and watch you turn yourself into a junked-up, over-populated MySpace clone.

I know I wasn’t as patient or supportive as I could have been, but now is not the time for regrets. I’ve tried to be understanding of your obsessive need to update my feed with quiz results, and now I feel like all I do is nag. “Stop with the quiz results, honey. I don’t care what Peanuts character you are. No, I don’t really want to know what mother-smurfing Smurf you are. Jesus, STOP WITH THE QUIZZES!” That’s not healthy for either of us.

It’s not just the quizzes, though. Your highlights are really more like don’t-care-lights. I’m a little sick of you asking me “What’s on your mind?” I don’t always have profound thoughts, Facebook. You should know that by now. Asking me “What’s on your mind?” only serves to remind me how shallow I am and puts me in a bad mood when I try and fail to think of something clever.

You know what’s not fun, Facebook? Having to change my privacy settings to keep things private from my family and coworkers. When we met, you were a fun way for me to keep up with my FRIENDS, not every Joe Blow who bumped into me on the street, not everybody I work with, attend church with, or see in the grocery store. You were fun. You were cool. But your insatiable need to grow and expand has left me feeling cold and alone and neglected. I miss the old you.

I know we said it was forever, but people change. I think we got too serious, too fast. I want something a little less stressful and cluttered, which is why I’ve been Twittering a lot lately. I’m sorry if that hurts you, Facebook, but it’s the truth. I just feel like Twitter understands me better than you do, even though you and I have history.

No matter what, I do want you to be happy. I would say that we can still be friends, but I’ve already deleted you.

April 13, 2009 at 9:10 pm Leave a comment


Twitter: kegger

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Twitter: ameliebee

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