Archive for March 25, 2009

Who Said That: A little of this, a little of that

Rules are still the same. No Googling. Just to make it more fun, I’ve mixed commercial quotes, quotes from TV shows, and movie quotes. There’s no theme this time. I’ll post all the answers in The Arcade in a few days.

1. Well, he’s an ex free-base addict, and he’s trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
2. But I want you to know, I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… You’re too precious for this world!
3. I need to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money. Can you teach me how to do that?
4. The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.
5. My butt just hung up on you.
6. As long as I can be Dean and **** can be Sammy.
7. Well, I’ve got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.
8. Yeah, just cause you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you gotta do porn.
9. Nobody can eat ninety Twinkies.
10. I’ll kill a snitch. I’m not saying I have, I’m not saying I haven’t. You know what I mean. Whatever.
11. Yeah, I’d hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I’d have to kill me.
12. So you’re standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you’re drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think it’s funny!
13. “Matthew is a moron.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not infinity.” “Yes you are infinity plus one.” And this one, “I have doobie in my funk,” which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, “Chocolate City.” Uh, “You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap.”
14. ‘Scuse me, doll. Could I get some more of those chocolate doo-diddles?
15. I love that you guys live in a dorm. So American. It’s like, let’s all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.

March 25, 2009 at 10:38 pm 16 comments

What we hate: Disney Edition

Y’all know kegger and I are virtually the same person. We watch the same TV, read the same books, listen to the same music. Liking the same things also means hating the same things. And here’s one thing we both hate: The Fox and the Hound.

amelie: This is the first movie that ever made me mad that I watched it. I was furious. I remember thinking, “That’s it? THAT’S how it ends? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DISNEY?!” I mean, I loved the beginning. I loved Tod and Copper being cute and having fun and just being friends. And then. And then they grew up. They grew up and life sucked. Like real life. Hey, where’s my happy Disney ending, huh? I don’t watch Disney movies to be depressed or to learn about real life through fables and talking animals. I watch them for the hidden innuendos the FREAKING HAPPY ENDINGS. Tod and Copper are supposed to stay friends. They’re not supposed to hunt each other and hurt each other and almost die because of a freaking bear, gosh. So, what’s the lesson, Disney? That you can’t overcome your differences and be friends with people (or species) who believe different things and lead different lives? Awesome message, Disney. Just fantastic.

It was bad enough watching Bambi’s mother get killed. Now I get to live with the disappointment and disillusionment that a fox and a hound can’t be BFFs.

And that’s probably the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written.

kegger: You forgot when they freaking killed Mufasa.  I’ve decided that Disney secretly likes to torture us. I mean, think about it. They killed Bambi’s mom. They killed Simba’s dad. They turned poor, sweet little Tod and Copper into enemies. AND, in addition to making us cry and pissing us off, they also sneak in pervy little things into their movies. Like priests having woodies, Aladdin telling us to take off our clothes, and leaves spelling out “sex” as they blow away in the breeze. Disney is supposed to be wholesome and feel-good. I’m supposed to have the warm fuzzies when I get done watching a Disney movie. Right? But NO. Instead, I get parents getting killed, sweet little animals hating each other, and priests having woodies. I can tolerate Bambi and The Lion King. But The Fox and the Hound freaking pisses me off. Mermaids obviously don’t exist. Animals don’t speak. There aren’t really faeries that sprinkle sleeping dust on people while the princess is asleep. So WHY the hell did they have to make The Fox and the Hound turn into enemies??! I’m sure that’s what would happen in real life, but this movie isn’t REAL LIFE!  It’s a freaking Disney movie! Disney movies aren’t supposed to be realistic! So yeah. Definitely boycotting The effing Fox and the effing Hound.

amelie: The subliminal pervy stuff is kind of funny. That priest with a boner at Ariel’s wedding? Hi-freaking-larious. And I think it was Genie who said take off your clothes (although I don’t think that one is true. I certainly never heard it.) Bambi breaks my heart, but at least he and Thumper and Flower didn’t hate each other when they grew up. And come on, Flower is a freaking skunk. If anyone is going to get hated on, it’s Flower. The Fox and the Hound: crushing children’s dreams since 1981.

kegger: I LOVE the pervy stuff. Because on the inside, I’m still only twelve-years-old. That’s why I still watch Disney movies! But still. It’s a Disney movie. They aren’t supposed to have woodies in Disney movies! And yeah, Genie (or Aladdin, whatever. I THINK it’s Aladdin, but I can’t remember) TOTALLY says, “Good kids take off their clothes.”  I’ve heard it. Disney, of course, claims that he’s saying, “Good kitty, get up and go!”  But no. He totally doesn’t say that. And why would he whisper it if that’s what he was really saying? I don’t think so. This, by the way, totally makes me want to have a Disney movie day. So we can see/hear all of the Disney pervy moments.

And I’m in complete agreement.  If any Disney character were to lose friends because of what they were, it would be Flower.  Because Flower smells like asshole.  And no matter how awesome he is, no one would want to be around that.  Tod and Copper should have stayed friends.  And because they didn’t, Disney sucks ass.

&     

March 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm 4 comments


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