Archive for March, 2009

Boredom + Fun quotes = This

I have no excuse for this, other than I recently watched my favorite NewsRadio episode and received divine inspiration in the form of complete foolishness. So, have some inspiration.

The Complaint Box, as told by the gang from How I Met Your Mother:

(more…)

March 30, 2009 at 2:04 pm Leave a comment

Jesus Goose

It might be because I was slightly inebriated.  Or it could just be that this was the most freakin’ awesome goose ever.

But I should probably start at the beginning.  Last week, I flew up to Minnesota to surprise my dad for his 60th birthday.  He was most definitely surprised.  While I was visiting, we also had a surprise birthday party/retirement party for him at a bar that was next to a lake.

Mississippi has been relatively warm for the last couple of weeks.  Warm meaning buttercups were blooming, and flip flop fanatics like amelie and myself were putting on our flippie floppies even if it meant that our toes might be slightly frozen.  Just because flip flops are awesome.

Anyway. It’s just now getting warm (occasionally) in Minnesota, so even though it was a nice 60 degrees outside, there was still a bit of snow on the ground, and a thin layer of ice still covered the lake.

Look, I’m not one for bars.  I get bored.  And I don’t like to be around crowds of people when I don’t know anyone.  So I escaped outside to the lake.  And there, in the middle of the lake, was Jesus Goose.

Jesus Goose was TOTALLY walking on water!  I mean, SERIOUSLY WALKING ON WATER!

Or at least it looked like he was at first.  But then I realized that the middle of the lake still had a very thin layer of ice on the top of it.  So thin that you couldn’t really tell it was ice at all.

I immediately wanted a picture of Jesus Goose.  But, unfortunately, that didn’t happen, because I didn’t have my camera handy, and Jesus Goose had flown away by the time I did get my camera.  I patiently waited for Jesus Goose come back so I could capture him on film.

Alas, it wasn’t to be.  Jesus Goose is a mysterious deity, and he didn’t want to pose for a picture.

But he has graced others with his presence, and they were fortunate enough to have cameras.

Behold:  Jesus Goose!  goose22

March 27, 2009 at 2:24 pm 1 comment

Who Said That: A little of this, a little of that

Rules are still the same. No Googling. Just to make it more fun, I’ve mixed commercial quotes, quotes from TV shows, and movie quotes. There’s no theme this time. I’ll post all the answers in The Arcade in a few days.

1. Well, he’s an ex free-base addict, and he’s trying to turn around, and he needs a place to stay for a couple of months.
2. But I want you to know, I’m here for you. You brave little soldier! I acknowledge your pain. C’mere… You’re too precious for this world!
3. I need to do that thing that rich people do where they turn money into more money. Can you teach me how to do that?
4. The King’s stinking son fired me, and thank you so much for bringing up such a painful subject. While you’re at it, why don’t you give me a nice paper cut and pour lemon juice on it? We’re closed.
5. My butt just hung up on you.
6. As long as I can be Dean and **** can be Sammy.
7. Well, I’ve got a banana and, in a pinch, you could put up some shelves.
8. Yeah, just cause you’re hung like a moose doesn’t mean you gotta do porn.
9. Nobody can eat ninety Twinkies.
10. I’ll kill a snitch. I’m not saying I have, I’m not saying I haven’t. You know what I mean. Whatever.
11. Yeah, I’d hate to stumble across something that if I told me, I’d have to kill me.
12. So you’re standing there, in this quiet room, shoulders going like you’re drilling the road, and what do you think of the situation? Dear Christ! You think it’s funny!
13. “Matthew is a moron.” “No I’m not.” “Yes you are.” “No I’m not infinity.” “Yes you are infinity plus one.” And this one, “I have doobie in my funk,” which I assume is some sort of reference to the Parliament Funkadelic song, “Chocolate City.” Uh, “You got peanut butter in my chocolate. You got chocolate in my peanut butter. Together they taste like crap.”
14. ‘Scuse me, doll. Could I get some more of those chocolate doo-diddles?
15. I love that you guys live in a dorm. So American. It’s like, let’s all eat bologna sandwiches and be racist.

March 25, 2009 at 10:38 pm 16 comments

What we hate: Disney Edition

Y’all know kegger and I are virtually the same person. We watch the same TV, read the same books, listen to the same music. Liking the same things also means hating the same things. And here’s one thing we both hate: The Fox and the Hound.

amelie: This is the first movie that ever made me mad that I watched it. I was furious. I remember thinking, “That’s it? THAT’S how it ends? ARE YOU KIDDING ME, DISNEY?!” I mean, I loved the beginning. I loved Tod and Copper being cute and having fun and just being friends. And then. And then they grew up. They grew up and life sucked. Like real life. Hey, where’s my happy Disney ending, huh? I don’t watch Disney movies to be depressed or to learn about real life through fables and talking animals. I watch them for the hidden innuendos the FREAKING HAPPY ENDINGS. Tod and Copper are supposed to stay friends. They’re not supposed to hunt each other and hurt each other and almost die because of a freaking bear, gosh. So, what’s the lesson, Disney? That you can’t overcome your differences and be friends with people (or species) who believe different things and lead different lives? Awesome message, Disney. Just fantastic.

It was bad enough watching Bambi’s mother get killed. Now I get to live with the disappointment and disillusionment that a fox and a hound can’t be BFFs.

And that’s probably the most ridiculous sentence I’ve ever written.

kegger: You forgot when they freaking killed Mufasa.  I’ve decided that Disney secretly likes to torture us. I mean, think about it. They killed Bambi’s mom. They killed Simba’s dad. They turned poor, sweet little Tod and Copper into enemies. AND, in addition to making us cry and pissing us off, they also sneak in pervy little things into their movies. Like priests having woodies, Aladdin telling us to take off our clothes, and leaves spelling out “sex” as they blow away in the breeze. Disney is supposed to be wholesome and feel-good. I’m supposed to have the warm fuzzies when I get done watching a Disney movie. Right? But NO. Instead, I get parents getting killed, sweet little animals hating each other, and priests having woodies. I can tolerate Bambi and The Lion King. But The Fox and the Hound freaking pisses me off. Mermaids obviously don’t exist. Animals don’t speak. There aren’t really faeries that sprinkle sleeping dust on people while the princess is asleep. So WHY the hell did they have to make The Fox and the Hound turn into enemies??! I’m sure that’s what would happen in real life, but this movie isn’t REAL LIFE!  It’s a freaking Disney movie! Disney movies aren’t supposed to be realistic! So yeah. Definitely boycotting The effing Fox and the effing Hound.

amelie: The subliminal pervy stuff is kind of funny. That priest with a boner at Ariel’s wedding? Hi-freaking-larious. And I think it was Genie who said take off your clothes (although I don’t think that one is true. I certainly never heard it.) Bambi breaks my heart, but at least he and Thumper and Flower didn’t hate each other when they grew up. And come on, Flower is a freaking skunk. If anyone is going to get hated on, it’s Flower. The Fox and the Hound: crushing children’s dreams since 1981.

kegger: I LOVE the pervy stuff. Because on the inside, I’m still only twelve-years-old. That’s why I still watch Disney movies! But still. It’s a Disney movie. They aren’t supposed to have woodies in Disney movies! And yeah, Genie (or Aladdin, whatever. I THINK it’s Aladdin, but I can’t remember) TOTALLY says, “Good kids take off their clothes.”  I’ve heard it. Disney, of course, claims that he’s saying, “Good kitty, get up and go!”  But no. He totally doesn’t say that. And why would he whisper it if that’s what he was really saying? I don’t think so. This, by the way, totally makes me want to have a Disney movie day. So we can see/hear all of the Disney pervy moments.

And I’m in complete agreement.  If any Disney character were to lose friends because of what they were, it would be Flower.  Because Flower smells like asshole.  And no matter how awesome he is, no one would want to be around that.  Tod and Copper should have stayed friends.  And because they didn’t, Disney sucks ass.

&     

March 25, 2009 at 12:35 pm 4 comments

We can moss if we want to!

It all started with an innocent e-mail from my dad:
I Just wanted ya to know I love you and moss you.

For some reason, it cracked me up a little more than it should. So I replied back: I moss you, too, Dad!

And then, of course, I had to share my dorkiness with amelie.

Who then said: Does your dad watch IT Crowd? (Which is an awesome show with a character named Moss. It also has characters named Roy and Jen.)

No, he doesn’t. So THEN, amelie said: I’ll moss your emails this week. I know you’ll be online some, but not much. But I’ll just Roy through it and we can Jen it up when you get back. 🙂

So now we’ve been mossing it up all afternoon. And it’s definitely become a thing. I’m kind of loving it.

March 18, 2009 at 2:54 pm 3 comments

Friday’s Photo: OH MY GOD REALLY?

*coughs* So. Um. Hi. It’s, it’s been a while since I’ve seen y’all. How are things? Good? Good, that’s great. Yeah, so I know I’ve been gone for a while now, but I’m back and I just…well, I just wanted to say hi. And, um, have a great weekend. I hope to be around for a while, but we’ll see.

–Friday’s Photo
img_1261

March 6, 2009 at 12:17 pm Leave a comment


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