Twilight Movie Review

November 24, 2008 at 2:17 pm 2 comments

I’m probably going to go easy on the movie–mostly because I didn’t expect much from it to begin with, and therefore, I wasn’t disappointed with it. [amelie: Whereas I, had I gone to see it, would rip it to shreds because that’s fun and I’m evil.]

Basically, the movie is comparable to the book.  [amelie: so it’s really boring and filled with creepy relationships? Good to know.] Don’t get me wrong, I’m a closet fan of the book, [amelie: “closet fan” my ass. That’s like saying I’m a closet fan of The Office. You love it and you know you love it and I know you love it.] [kegger: I’m a closet fan.  Most people know I’ve READ the book.  Most don’t know I LOVED the book.  And the only person I really talk about the book to is you, amelie.] but when you look at it–and I mean HONESTLY look at it (for you fangirls out there that think Stephenie Meyer can do no wrong)–it’s not that well written, it’s not that exciting, and there really isn’t much of a plot [amelie: Welcome to the darkside. We know good books here].  Remember, this is coming from someone who LOVES the book even though I can’t understand why.  And while I’m an Edward fan, when you think about it, he’s kind of creepy.  1.  He’s freaking 100 and he’s in love with a 17 year old.  2.  He’s kind of a stalker–watching Bella while she’s sleeping and following her to Port Angeles and all.  [amelie: “kind of” a stalker? KIND OF? I just…he…and then she…No. This is not my review, so I’mma shut up now.] So really, with a book like Twilight, you can’t expect an Oscar winning movie, right?

Having said that, I wasn’t disappointed in the movie.  It’s exactly what I expected it to be.


  • Some of the special effects were cringe-worthy–like where Edward runs up trees–but that didn’t bother me too much, because I already knew it was a low budget film.  What irked me was the fact that he was running up trees at all.  Edward runs super fast–he does NOT climb trees like a spider monkey! [amelie: Coming to a theater near you–Attack of the Vampire Spider Monkeys. Come on, you know you’d watch it.] [kegger: Hee.  That sounds like one of those movies that would be on the SciFi network.]
  • Melissa Rosenberg (or whatever her name is) didn’t write that good of a screenplay.  I was sitting there the entire time thinking, I SO could have done a better job at this than she did.  And I really think I could have.  I’m not just saying that.  It was a pretty bad adaptation from the book. [amelie: And since the book was a pretty bad…Nope. Still not my review. Shutting up now.]
  • The worst part of the movie–for me, anyway–was the biology scene, where Edward first smells Bella and wants to kill her.  Edward looked like he was on the verge of puking because she smelled bad or something.  I kind of laughed out loud.  Robert Pattinson overacted in that scene.
  • I don’t feel like the Cullens got much time on the screen at all.  And I guess when you think about it, they aren’t in the book all that much, either, but I would have liked to see more of them.  They did a good job getting Rosalie’s bitchiness out there, but I feel like they didn’t display Alice’s talent enough.
  • There were a few too many close ups of Rob and Kristen’s faces while they were talking.  While I usually have no problem looking at Robert Pattinson, I kind of got tired of his face taking up the entire screen at the movie theater. [amelie: Take a drink every time you can see Robert Pattinson’s or Kristen Stewart’s pores!] [kegger: Actually, now that you mention it, that would be a pretty good drinking game.]
  • The movie felt choppy and rushed, especially during the first half.  But I think this is probably because I was analyzing it and comparing it to the book.  I’m bad about doing that with the Harry Potter films, too.  I always dislike the HP movies the first time I see them because I’m reading more into the differences between the movie and the book than I am just watching the movie.  I’m pretty sure I’d probably enjoy it much more the second time.
  • I know I’m being picky here, but Nikki Reed, no matter how good of an actor she is, shouldn’t have been cast as Rosalie.  She’s OBVIOUSLY not a blonde, even with all of the white makeup caked on her face.  She’s a brunette.  She’s naturally tan.  If they wanted her in the movie so badly, they should have cut her hair, made it spiky, and made her Alice.  (Even though I’m glad they didn’t do that because I’ve got no problem with who they cast as Alice.)


  • Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart did the best they could do with what they were given.  During some parts of the movie, they did a great job, but when they had a cheesy line (ex. “And so the lion fell in love with the lamb”), you could tell they felt pretty awkward saying it.  But who wouldn’t?  If I were in their place, I wouldn’t be able to keep a straight face during some of those lines.
  • The clothes weren’t nearly as horrendous as I was expecting them to be. (The first promo shots of the Cullens that they released were pretty horrendous.)
  • Jasper’s hair wasn’t as bad as I expected it to be.  (Again, promo shots.) [amelie: And we all know the film’s success rested on Jasper’s hair.] [kegger: Do you REMEMBER seeing those promo shots?  Do you REMEMBER his hair?  It gave me nightmares!  It looked like something had roosted and died on top of his head!  So yeah, I consider the fact that his hair wasn’t horrendous to be pretty important.]
  • The ballet studio scene–pretty much the only action in the movie–was well done.
  • They did a good job of setting us up for a sequel. [amelie: If it’s at all based on freaking Ass New Moon, it’s gonna be bor…wait for Boring.]

All in all–this is a movie that most fans of the book will probably go see, along with their boyfriends/husbands/fiances/whatever [amelie: I believe they’re called “exes”]. I don’t see very many people that aren’t attached to the book going to see the movie.  I think most fans won’t be disappointed.  Some will be.  And of course, the fangirls will think that it’s the best movie since Titanic, [amelie: Titanic? Really? That’s your comparison? Not something, you know, actually good? Wait, never mind. It’s a perfect comparison.] [kegger: Hey!  I like Titanic!] because the Twilight world can do no wrong and anyone and everything involved with it shits rainbows and farts butterflies.

The movie from a guy’s point of view:

I dragged Puddle with me to the theater (after threatening his life if he made fun of the movie during the movie), and all he said as he left was: “There.  I’ve officially done my time.”  Hee.  (He also said that it’s a stupid book, because he doesn’t think it would ever be plausible for a 100 year old vampire that’s been to medical school twice to fall in love with a 17 year old twit who is still in high school, but that’s another story, and more a criticism of the book than it is the movie.  And yes.  I made him read the book.  He hated it, and it took him 2 weeks to finish it.) [amelie: I kind of love him for all of this. You owe him big time.] [kegger: Yes.  I know.  He’s getting an awesome Christmas present.]

[If you’d like the whole conversation:

Puddle: It’s stupid.  What 100 year old vampire would ever like a 17 year old?  It wouldn’t happen!  What would they have in common?  I mean, he’s had 100 years to learn and go to school and do all of this stuff, what the heck would he have in common with a 17 year old girl?  Even if she DID smell good?!  Why would that be a good enough reason to fall in love with her?

kegger: It’s a FICTIONAL STORY!

Puddle: I don’t care!  Even fictional stories have to be realistic!


Puddle: It’s a stupid story!  Nothing happens.  It’s just them talking in the car, talking at the lunch table, talking in her bedroom, talking in class.  And her talking about how beautiful and perfect he is.  Nothing happens!  It’s the most boring book I’ve ever read, and it’s got NO plot!

Hee.  It was cute.  And funny.  And true.]

Overall grade: B-.  The movie wasn’t bad, especially coming from a book with no plot, with a low budget and from a fledgling company like Summit. [amelie: Shit, really? You’re giving it that high a grade? Wait, are you high?] [kegger: I told you I was going easy on it!  You were warned!]

Soundtrack Review:

I like the soundtrack.  I’ve kind of become obsessed with the song Eyes on Fire by Blue Foundation.  (The entire Blue Foundation CD with that song on it is good by the way!)  And I also have a lot of love for the Iron and Wine song, but I can’t remember what it’s called.  Sorry.  Having said that, we didn’t get much of the music in the movie.  Bella’s Lullaby was really the only thing that stood out in the movie, and it wasn’t even while she was sleeping–it was during every other scene.  All of the other music that’s on the soundtrack was just in the background occasionally, and I don’t think that anyone would have bought the soundtrack if they weren’t already Twilight fans just because the music took a back seat to everything else.  It wasn’t really very noticable in the movie.  If I hadn’t already been familiar with the songs, I wouldn’t have even noticed them playing in the background. [amelie: The movie made the music boring? Is that what you’re saying? Oh my god, Twilight is like Midas–everything it touches is boring! And also turns into money, apparently. But still–boring!] [kegger: Actually, yes.  And it’s a really good soundtrack, so that’s kind of a bummer (minus Linkin Park becuase I kind of hate them).  The music just wasn’t used enough in the movie.]

I expect amelie and I will get tons of hate mail from the fangirls; we’re STILL getting hate comments because we thought the name “Renesmee” was a douchy name.  So bring it on.  You never cease to entertain us.

Entry filed under: Books, entertainment, movies, music. Tags: , , , , , , , .

Word of the Week Hairy arms = easy lay?

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. coffee  |  January 17, 2009 at 12:48 pm

    i wonder what will be more successful/popular in the long run, Twilight or Harry Potter

    • 2. kegger  |  January 17, 2009 at 2:30 pm

      Coffee, I think that Harry Potter will win in the long run, hands down.


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November 2008


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