Archive for August, 2008

Two Random Conversations

The Squirrel Conversation

Creed:  “kegger, have you ever thought about being a squirrel?”

kegger:  “Um, no.” 

Creed:  “Really?  You haven’t?” 

kegger:  “No, Creed, I can honestly say I’ve NEVER thought about being a squirrel.  Not once.  Never.” 

Creed:  “Well what do you think of it?  Wouldn’t it be great to be a squirrel?” 

kegger:  “Um… no.  I can think of other animals I’d rather be than a squirrel.” 

Creed:  “Oh, but you could sit up in the trees and just watch everyone!” 

kegger:  “I could sit in a tree and watch people as a PERSON, Creed.” 

Creed:  “Oh, but it would just be so great to be a squirrel!” 

kegger:  “Um… okay.” 

Creed:  “What are you going to be for Halloween?” 

kegger:  “Huh?  It’s August.” 

Creed:  “Well, so.  Don’t you love Halloween?” 

kegger:  “Sure.” 

Creed:  “So what are you going to be?” 

kegger:  “Probably nothing, Creed.” 

Creed:  “Well why not?!” 

kegger:  “I only dress up if I go to a party.  As of now, I have no plans of going to a party.  If I go to a party, I’ll figure it out then.  I don’t just dress up for Halloween just to sit on my butt at home.” 

Creed:  “Don’t you just love fall days?  I can’t wait for fall.  Didn’t it almost feel like fall this morning to you?  A nice, cool fall morning?” 

kegger:  “Um, no.  It was as hot as balls this morning.  Hot and sticky and gross.  It’s August, Creed.  In Mississippi.  We’re nowhere close to fall yet.” 

Creed:  “Wouldn’t you just love to be a squirrel?” 

asdflkjasd;lfkjasdf!!asdl;fkjasl;dfkjasdflkj!!!!!!!!!!!!!

The Jason Conversation

Creed:  “kegger, do you ever think about Jason?” 

kegger:  Who?!?” 

Creed:  “You know, Jason.” 

kegger:  “I don’t know anyone named Jason, Creed.” 

Creed:  “You know.  Freddie?  Jason?  Do you ever think about Jason?” 

kegger:  “Um, no.  Can’t say that I EVER think about Jason.” 

10 minutes later….

Creed:  “Have you been thinking about Jason?” 

kegger:  “Not since the last time you asked me, Creed.” 

2 hours later…..

Creed:  “Are you thinking about Jason?” 

kegger:  “Not even a little bit.” 

30 minutes later….

Creed:  “Man, that Jason…” 

asldf;jasl;dfkjasldfj!!! 

Earlier this morning: 

Creed:  What do you think of Chucky?” 

And just now: 

Creed:  “If you were to dress Lucy (my dog) up for Halloween, what would she be?”

I didn’t answer.

August 25, 2008 at 1:22 pm 5 comments

Funny signs you might see while you’re in China for the Olympics

I hear the Chinese government worked their asses to take down mistranslated signs before the Olympic teams came into town. Go to www.engrish.com if this type of thing amuses you.

This sign was trying to warn that the ceiling was low.

August 22, 2008 at 10:29 am 3 comments

Simple Math

Project Runway + Drag Queens – Daniel = Best. Episode. Ever.

First, we get the return of my favorite designer (personality-wise), Chris March. In full-on German opera drag, no less. [kegger: LOVE Chris March. I think he’s one of my all time favorite PR contestants. Personality-wise. His designers were kind of… out there sometimes.]

Then we get these awesome ladies:

Who are equally awesome men.

I think Project Runway should have drag queens every week, because they were 18 times more interesting than the contestants this season. [kegger: I’m in total agreement. Daniel has the personality of a doorknob. I definitely won’t be missing him.]

(Pics from Project Rungay)

August 21, 2008 at 9:44 am 1 comment

Stop being me!

I know kegger and I say we’re alike a lot. And I’m sure y’all think we’re full of shit, just saying that because we think it’s funny or for whatever insane reason. Well, you’re wrong. Here are the things we’ve had in common in the last two days. Two days, people.

1. We both want henna tattoos.
2. We both looked up henna tattoo kits on Amazon.
3. We only want henna tattoos because we’re too afraid to get real tattoos.
4. We want tattoos in the same place (on our foot or hand/inner wrist arm area).
5. We both agree there’s no way that one Chinese gymnast is anything older than 12. Maybe she’s 14, but she’s not 16.
6. We both spent a lot of time looking at that one post with those pictures when we need a boost. You know the one.
7. Mmmmmm, Phelps and all his Olympic glory is by far the best thing going for the games this year, but we both agree that the media needs to back off his 8-gold-medals quest. WE GET IT, media. Now please shut up so we can watch the pretty, wet boy swim.
8. We both love love love Two Stick’s fried crawfish rolls.
9. We both think the wrong person got kicked off of Project Runway this week, and we both think the judges picked the wrong winner. Again.
10. amelie and kegger both want to kill Suede every time he speaks in third person on Project Runway.
11. we both crapped out at 2:00 friday afternoon and are now unable to use upper case letters or good grammar. deal with it.

August 15, 2008 at 2:32 pm Leave a comment

Even more things to look forward to seeing if you’re in China for the Olympics

I think I win at this game, don’t I?

August 11, 2008 at 4:30 pm 7 comments

MORE things to look forward to seeing if you’re in China for the Olympics!

Crowded apartments.  She’s washing her hair outside.  Probably because she lives with 11 other girls and it’s just more peaceful to do it outside.  (And no, I’m not joking.  This is a college dorm.  And she really does have 11 roommates.) 

Scenic views. 

Homecooked chicken.  I’m going to have to explain this one a bit for you to get the full effect, though.  This picture (and the picture of the boy on top of the roof) was taken in a village in a mountain.  These people are a poor minority group in China (which means they’re allowed to have more than one kid) and they very rarely leave home.  They’re incredibly poor, and they waste NOTHING.  Everything from that slaughtered chicken was used.  The feathers were saved to make pillows later.  The meat was used to eat, and what they didn’t use, they fed to their pigs.  The blood was kept to use as a sauce. 

Yes.  A sauce.  A chicken blood sauce. 

When we went to their village, we were told that they were very poor, and they were making a feast for us (and they did.  They were very kind and very nice).  We were also told that whatever they put on our plate (no matter how rancid–and believe me, there was some rancid food there), we had to eat.  No matter what.  Which I thought I could handle. 

Until the chicken blood sauce. 

I turned green.  I almost puked.  It was not cool.  But thankfully, they knew we would be picky, so they saved the chicken blood sauce for themselves to use later.  The only thing they put on our plate was white rice, and all of the other food was put on a separate plate for us to choose from.  God bless them.  I ate every single tiny little kernel of rice on my plate.

Bonus picture: 

This is what I was talking about in my last post.  It was much better than the alternative.  Although, did I mention that the toilet was in the shower?  Yep.  We had to straddle that nifty little hole every time we took a shower.  Needless to say, I didn’t shower nearly as much as I usually do while I was over there.  The hole kind of freaked me out.  I was afraid my flip flops would slip into it or something.  One girl on our trip actually lost some body wash down the hole and it ended up stopping up a toilet on the lower floor of the apartment complex.  Oops.  🙂 

  

August 11, 2008 at 10:45 am Leave a comment

Names that rival Renesmee

I’m not sure how it came up, but amelie and I were (as usual) e-mailing each other back and forth instead of working, and we started coming up with names that were as bad as “Renesmee.” Mostly by putting two random names together and seeing what we could come up with. Here’s what we’ve got so far.

  1. Libricia (Libby & Patricia)
  2. Wesoug (Wesley & Doug)
  3. Horothy (Horace & Timothy)
  4. Vanargaret (Vanessa & Margaret)
  5. Elizalotte (Elizabeth & Charlotte)
  6. Herboody, Woodbert,Bertoody, Wooher, Bertwood (Herbert & Woody)–they were too good, we couldn’t pick just one!
  7. Pickenerzie (Piper & Mackenzie)
  8. Euner (Abner & Eugene)
  9. Jubarabudy (Judy & Barbara)
  10. Pelvin (Peter & Melvin)

Anyone care to add more??!

August 8, 2008 at 2:17 pm 74 comments

Things to look forward to seeing if you’re in China for the Olympics!

Crowded apartment complexes with clothes hanging out to dry. [amelie: Oh, thank God. No more squatty potties.]

Open produce markets with brightly colored spices for sale. [amelie: Pretty. I want to sink my hands in them.]

… and dogs.

(It’s kind of disturbing…  Especially if you’re a dog lover.) 

(more…)

August 8, 2008 at 9:27 am 7 comments

Olympic Thoughts

If you’re going to the Beijing Olympics, sure, you have Tiananmen Square and the Great Wall and the Forbidden City to look forward to.

But what else do you have to look forward to?

Squatty potties!!!! And that’s not even the worst one. That’s actually a sophisticated squatty potty. That one flushes. What to see one that’s even worse? [amelie: Absofuckinglutely not. No. Please, kegger. Don’t do it.]

And that picture doesn’t even come close to doing it justice. That potty was nasty. There are no words. [amelie: I told you not to do it, but you did it anyway. Damn you!]

Enjoy China, everyone! I sure did when I went there! But maaaaaan was I glad when I got home!!!!!

Additional tips: You think plane bathrooms are bad? No. Compared to squatty potties, they’re the best thing in the history of the universe. Use it one last time, while you can. There is ONE Western toilet in the Beijing airport in each of the women’s bathrooms. The rest are squatties. Take that chance and use it one last time. The nicer hotels probably have western toilets, but you’re pretty much screwed everywhere else you go, so if I were you, I’d drink as little as possible while I was over there and only pee in my hotel.

Also, it’s okay to drink their green tea (which is pretty much all anyone over there offers you)–it doesn’t make you poo like Mexico’s water. [amelie: You know what? I’m never going anywhere with you ever.]

August 6, 2008 at 3:31 pm 6 comments

I have a confession to make…

I’m secretly a little bit obsessed with the Twilight books. amelie knows this. [amelie: Shyeah, she does.] One or two other people know this. But mostly, I pretty much stay in the closet about the whole thing. [amelie: So, you’re saying your gay for Twilight? I’m sorry. That was inappropriate. Snerk.] [kegger: Hee!] Mainly because I’m NOT a teenybopper fan girl. I’m 26. (I also am most definitely NOT one of those Twilight Mom weirdos. I’ve got no problem with being a fan, but they’re kind of overkill.) Anyway, though.

I’ve been pretty excited about Breaking Dawn coming out. Ask amelie. [amelie: She’s been pretty excited about Breaking Dawn coming out.] I’ve been counting the days until I could finally find out what would happen at the end of the book. So I picked the book up on Saturday and was really excited about reading it. I love the characters Stephenie Meyer has invented. They’ve sucked me in, and I enjoy reading about them even though the books are definitely flawed.

And… geeze. How do I say this without being rude? Oh, screw it. Stephenie Meyer was obviously on crack while she was writing Breaking Dawn. [amelie: Word.]

I don’t even know where to start when talking about how awful the book was. I will say this. I liked it better than the final Harry Potter book. (I know amelie disagrees with me on that one.) [amelie: Aw, kegs, you know me so well.] That’s the only good thing I can say about it, though. And Bella got turned into a vamp and ended up with Edward. [amelie: Dude–spoiler!] [kegger: Hee. Oops.] Those are the only good things. But how they came about didn’t even make the good parts good, if that makes sense.

So, below, I’ve complied a list of things about the book that pissed me off. (Warning, there will most definitely be spoilers.) [*amelie does the jazz hands of yay spoilers*]

(more…)

August 5, 2008 at 4:17 pm 8 comments

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