Archive for April, 2008

She Said/She Said

Slap Bet Edition
We love How I Met Your Mother. (I loved it first, and it only took two years for me to convince kegger that she would love it, too.) Since I’ve been with the show since it started and kegger’s only been watching for a few weeks, we thought we would double team one of the funniest episodes to date: Slap Bet.

For the sake of getting to the fun stuff, we’re going to assume that you at least have a passing familiarity with the show, and in particular this episode. If you’ve forgotten (gasp!), here’s the rundown: Robin hates malls, has a secret, which may or may not involve being married or being a porn star or both. Barney and Marshall slap bet to find out the truth and each get slapped several times in the episode. The payoff of all the secrets and lies and slaps is Robin Sparkles, Robin Scherbatsky’s Canadian pop princess alter-ego. She is bedazzled and bangeld and awesome. Even though neither Marshall nor Barney were correct in their assumptions, Marshall gets to slap Barney ten times in a row now or five times for eternity (because of some premature slapulation at slap o’clock without the consent of the Slap Bet Commissioner). Barney chooses the five for eternity. So far, we’ve seen three.

ameliebee’s take: The most fascinating part of the episode for me is the five-for-eternity v. 10-right-now debate between Robin and Ted and Marshall and Barney. Ted, the guy who normally likes to prolong things and draw them out as much as possible, chooses the 10 slaps now. Robin chooses the five, because, “Why get ten when you can get five?” Ted understands the fundamental problem with the five for eternity: “…the constant fear of knowing that at any moment you could get slapped in the face would drive you crazy.” I gotta go with Ted on this one. Ten slaps in a row would be torturous, but only for a little while. Living with the constant fear of getting your nose slapped off would be unbearable. I also see this as a nice foreshadowing to their eventual breakup. They are different on a fundamental level, and the 5 v. 10 debate nicely parallels their breakup-now-or-prolong the-inevitable decision at the end of season 2.

While the Robin Sparkles reveal was classic, my favorite part of the episode was the slap bet. My inner 12-year-old apparently loves watching people get slapped. I’ve got to give it up for NPH and Jason Segel–they sell the hell out of those slaps:

I’ve watched this show from the beginning, and it’s one of the few shows I don’t feel the overwhelming urge to spoiler myself. So I knew absolutely nothing about the slap bets and Robin Sparkles. And I loved it. Not knowing made the episode that much more enjoyable because I got to discover the secrets and lies and slaps with the characters. Maybe there’s something to this no-spoiler thing.

Favorite lines:

Ted: You are driving me crazy. No wonder your fake husband moved to Hong Kong.
Robin: He moved there for business!

And this:

Barney: Your hands are monstrous.
Marshall:You’ve seen my penis, what did you expect?

kegger’s take: I, like amelie, was fascinated by the choice that Barney made at the end of the episode. I would go for the 10 slaps any day. Those 5 slaps would control my life until they were over. (ab, we get to see a 3rd slap?! Cool!! I’ve only seen two!!! [Yep. There’s one more coming. I forgot, you haven’t seen most of season 3 yet.–ab]) I think Barney is kind of nuts for taking the 5 slaps for eternity. Give me the pain now and be done with it!

And I’m in total agreement with amelie’s praise for NPH and Jason Segel’s fabulous slaps. They sold those. They had to be real. There’s no way that slaps that great could have been faked. [I don’t know. I’m sure there were some fab effects and cool shots and things going on that we mortals know nothing about. I doubt anyone got really slapped.–ab]

While I loved the Robin Sparkles thing, I particularly enjoyed how Marshall really thought that Robin had a fear of the mall because he thought that she’d gotten married at a mall. Your average person would think that this was ridiculous. Having been to Minnesota’s Mall of America, I can (sadly) kind of understand where he’s coming from. Some people up there go rabid for the Mall of America. They brag about it like crazy, and while it’s a pretty awesome mall, it’s kind of a let down if you expect great things. It’s just a mall. And some people are strange enough to actually get married there. (My only exception would be Underwater World, which is kind of great. I would totally (maybe, not really) get married in Underwater World. Imagine fish swimming over your head while you say your vows. Okay, it’s cheesy, shut up.) [I didn’t say anything! Possibly because I was laughing too hard.–ab]

Watching Robin’s “Let’s Go to the Mall” video makes me cringe. How did we not realize how awful the 80s were during the 80s?

Favorite line:

Marshall: “I’m not afraid of Sasquatch, I just think we should all be on alert.”

And ditto on the monstrous penis exchange between Marshall and Barney.

April 30, 2008 at 1:51 pm Leave a comment

Weekly Wrap-Up

Barney and Robin!

How I Met Your Mother
amelie: We’ll get to the kiss (!) in a minute, but there were other things happening in that episode: the return of the Beek to prime time television, “revertigo,” ghetto-fabulous Lily, another Robin Sparkles video. I think my favorite (non-BRomance) moment was the “Murder Train” montage of adoptable puppies. Did y’all notice the little puppy logo that kept blinking? So funny.
kegger:  I almost cried during the “Murder Train” puppy scene. And I can honestly say, the revertigo that everyone experienced in that episode cracked me up. And kind of made me wonder if I ever act moronic like that around old friends. 
The Office
kegger: Dwight got a hot girl, Ryan’s got a Hobbit friend, and Michael can’t get anybody! And poor Jim! He was so proud of himself for figuring out how to get them out of working on a Saturday and then everything backfired. As the night wore on, he really seemed to display some Michael characteristics. Like not knowing the security guy’s name. Jim just doesn’t do stuff like that!
amelie: Word. Jim is the guy who knows the name of the vending machine guy. Of course he’s going to know the name of the security guard he sees every day. That was too much for me. And why didn’t Phyllis call Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration? He’s one of the Five Families. Wouldn’t he have a key? 
kegger: What about Toby? I don’t even know where to begin with Toby. That moment was so awkward that it made me cringe. I think I’d move to Costa Rica if I were him, too.
amelie: Oh, man. Ryan. Boy was coked out of his mind.
kegger: Yeah and you could seriously tell–but some of the things he did just kind of reminded me of Michael. It was funny. Ryan was… that was crazy. I don’t have words for it.
Movies: Stardust
amelie: I actually enjoyed this movie. I only watched it because kegger said that Henry Cavill was in it (I don’t even know who that is, but apparently he’s in the Tudors and he shows his ass a lot. Much like JR-M. Ooh, nailed it!). When I heard Sir Ian McKellan’s gorgeous voice narrating, it was all I could do to not switch it off on principle. He was perfect as Gandalf, in my opinion, and I really didn’t want to watch another Lord of the Rings/Harry Potter hybrid. Much to my surprise, Stardust was entertaining on its own, and didn’t make me want to fork stab myself (coughEragoncough). It had humor, adventure, love, gay pirates, snarky ghosts. I might have to watch it again.
kegger: You know the funny thing is, I didn’t even know that Henry Cavill was in it until I’d already watched the movie. I still can’t remember which part he played in it, but whatever. He’s hot. And yeah, your JR-M reference was flawless.
Music: Vampire Weekend, “Vampire Weekend”
amelie: any band that sings a song about the Oxford comma owns me. Even though, you know, it’s not technically about the Oxford Comma.
kegger:  Agreed. Plus, they’re upbeat and fun and their music hits the spot with the kind of weather we’ve been having. Don’t ask me why, but listening to Vampire Weekend while driving down the road with my windows rolled down is as nice as eating crawfish while drinking beer and listening to a Jimmy Buffet cover band. It just works.
amelie: Y’all, this was one hot kiss. Did you notice the tie-grabbing? And the way he cupped her face? Man alive. I love it when Barney shows some depth, so his comforting Robin was a fabulous and well-played moment. I was perfectly happy with the show ending with them hanging out, watching “Sandcastles in the Sand,” and then they started making out. Icing on the cake. Favorite line: “You know, if you re-edit this, there’s a tampon commercial in there.”
kegger: I almost thought I was imagining it initially—because I totally saw it coming, but I thought it was just wishful thinking at first. I actually squealed when they started kissing. I don’t squeal. And yeah, without a doubt, the best line in the entire episode was Barney’s tampon commercial line. You can’t beat that.

April 25, 2008 at 11:04 am 7 comments

I’m too young for this

Look, I get it. I really do. I’m from the South. I’ve lived here my whole life. I get the whole manners thing. But I’m far, far too young to be called “ma’am.” I’m 25 years old, for fork’s sake. Don’t call me “ma’am” if you are older than I am. Don’t call me “ma’am” if your kids are older than I am. In fact, don’t call me “ma’am” ever.

This doesn’t mean I want guys to stop opening doors for me. That’s still acceptable. Just don’t say, “You’re welcome, ma’am,” after I thank you.

April 24, 2008 at 3:39 pm 3 comments

Facebook is going to get me fired

I’ve got at least six Scrabulous games going (including a few inactive games). I’m constantly trying to find the perfect quote for my status. I have a continuous wall quote-off with several friends. (Different shows for different friends, of course. I’ve gone through all three-and-a-half seasons of The Office, the first four seasons of The West Wing, a few key episodes of How I Met Your Mother, and even some My So-Called Life. Quoting shows makes for awesomely hilarious and random wall posts. Especially when some people put things about certain other people being on probation. For the record, I’m not now, nor have I ever been put on probation for peeing on a church.)

Now Facebook has added a chat feature, and kegger and I have been chatting all day.

It’s not like we don’t email constantly or share a blog or anything. You would think we hadn’t talked to each other in months. But the sad thing is, we’ve been emailing while we’ve been chatting.

I can’t get any work done. I’ve got a newsletter to print, a bulletin to put together, a ton of other stuff to do, but all I’m doing is goofing off on Facebook.

I’m so going to get fired.

April 23, 2008 at 12:34 pm 5 comments

Can you be both right and left brained???

So, apparently everyone at work has decided that I know everything.  (Which I admit is sometimes kinda cool.)   

It’s kind of funny, really, because whenever someone is curious about something, they say, “I bet kegger knows!”  Whether it’s how to pronounce a name or how to spell something, or some profound religious question, I always get asked the random questions. 

Today, I was asked, “What makes people left handed?”  This kind of caught me off guard, because I thought everyone knew about genetics.  I mean, didn’t everyone learn about genetics in 7th grade, or was that just me?  Granted, I did have Mrs. Beckham for science, and she was completely and totally obsessed with genetics, but still.  (We paired up one day in class and made babies by flipping a coin to see which genetic traits our baby would get.  I was paired with my friend Rebecca, and we named our baby Aeon Flux.  My two guy friends at the next table named their babies Mrs. Butterworth and Aunt Jemima.  Hee.)  I thought genetics were pretty common sense.  Of course, the lady that was asking me this was in her 40’s and genetics might not have been such a big deal back then, who knows.  So anyway, I start going in to the whole dominant and recessive trait things and I tell her that someone in her family must have a left hand, either her mom or her dad, if she does (her dad does) and then I go on to tell her that if she’s left handed, she’s usually right brained. 

So that got me thinking–I don’t know if I’m right brained or left brained.  Can you be both?  I’m right handed, but I’m also relatively creative–I paint, I draw, I’ve illustrated a book, I like to photograph things–and those types of things are typically a right brain thing.  I also like to write but I’m not entirely sure if writing is a right brain thing, or a left brain thing.  But I’m also right handed, not left handed (although my dad did say once that when I was little, I used my left hand more and they trained me to use my right hand instead) and I’m always on time and I’ve usually fairly organized at work (but rarely at home for some reason) so I couldn’t decide if I was right brained or left brained. 

So, because I was curious about that, I googled “Left and right brain tests” and I took one.

And sure enough, I’m kind of both, even though I’m more one than the other.  Usually people are more to the left or right and less in the middle, from what I’ve heard:   

Left Brain Right Brain
42% 58%


You are more right-brained than left-brained. The right side of your brain controls the left side of your body. In addition to being known as right-brained, you are also known as a creative thinker who uses feeling and intuition to gather information. You retain this information through the use of images and patterns. You are able to visualize the “whole” picture first, and then work backwards to put the pieces together to create the “whole” picture. Your thought process can appear quite illogical and meandering. The problem-solving techniques that you use involve free association, which is often very innovative and creative. The routes taken to arrive at your conclusions are completely opposite to what a left-brained person would be accustomed. You probably find it easy to express yourself using art, dance, or music. Some occupations usually held by a right-brained person are forest ranger, athlete, beautician, actor/actress, craftsman, and artist.

Your Left Brain Percentages

  54% Verbal (Your most dominant characteristic)
  42% Symbolic
  27% Reality-based
  18% Sequential
  17% Logical
  16% Linear (Your least dominant characteristic)

Your Right Brain Percentages

  46% Concrete (Your most dominant characteristic)
  45% Random
  43% Intuitive
  40% Fantasy-oriented
  36% Holistic
  0% Nonverbal (Your least dominant characteristic)

So, amelie, take the quiz.  What are you???!   



April 21, 2008 at 1:15 pm 55 comments

Weekly Wrap-up

Here are all the things I loved (or hated) pop-culturally this week.

Television: How I Met Your Mother, “The Chain of Screaming”–I liked this episode. It wasn’t the best Mother episode, but it certainly wasn’t the worst. And the continuity was off the charts. Marshall’s scream-ologue at Barney was legen…wait for it…

The Office, “The Chairmodel”–Now, I know this was the squee-worthy Jam-filled episode of goo, but the MVP for me was Kevin. He made me laugh and, yes I’ll admit it, made me cry. I’m so sad that he and Stacey broke up, but at least he got his parking spot back.

Bones, “The Man in the Mud”–Very cute episode for Booth and Bones. I didn’t really care about the case so much, and I figured that it was a family member in the first five minutes (I was torn between the sister or the dad). But Booth’s horse was awesome, as were his interactions with Brennan. If these two don’t do the do by the end of the season, I’m going to spontaneously combust from all the chemistry.


Books: I read through “Not Quite What I Was Planning.” Very poignant and funny, and a fascinating concept. How do you boil your entire life down into six words? I tried, and ended up with at least three possibilities. My current favorite is, “‘Its’ and ‘it’s’–two different words.” What would your six words be?

I’m also rereading “Cold Comfort Farm.” As soon as I finish that, I plan to start on “Not a Penny More, Not a Penny Less” by Jeffrey Archer.

Movies: I tried to watch “Eragon” on Sunday. But if I want to watch wizards and dragons and quests involving elf-like creatures and sword play, I’ll watch the far superior Lord of the Rings trilogy. If you’re a kid, I’m sure “Eragon” is fun. But if you’re me, and you’ve both read and watched the Lord of the Rings, “Eragon” leaves you bored and angry that you wasted two hours of your life and you’ll never get that time back.

Music: A friend gave me Neutral Milk Hotel’s “In The Aeroplane Over The Sea.” I know it’s not a new album, but it’s new to me. Since Spoon is in very heavy rotation on my iPod, these songs are a nice complement. Favorite songs: “In The Areoplane Over The Sea” and “King of the Carrot Flowers Part 1.”

April 18, 2008 at 4:32 pm 1 comment

Who said that?

Here’s the game: fifteen quotes from fifteen different television shows. Without any cheating, checking Google or using anything other than your brain, see how many quotes you know. I want the names of both the television show and the character who said it. Bonus points if you know the name of the episode.

Ready? Remember, no cheating. I’ll know if you cheat.

1. This is not gonna be some funny story that we’re gonna be telling in a couple of months. It’s not gonna be like ‘remember that time when you were grinding with’-No. And do you know why? Because, italics, this night did not happen.

2. “Day” is a vestigial mode of time measurement, based on solar cycles. It’s not applicable. I didn’t get you anything.

3. You know that sound you’re hearing, you know, that boom? That’s my mind blowing.

4. Dream on, Jump Street, I’m not leaving you alone with her.

5. I believe the moon doesn’t exist. I believe that vampires are the world’s greatest golfers but their curse is that they’ll never get to prove it! I believe there are 31 letters in the white alphabet. Well…what was the question again?

6. This close, they always look like landscape. Nope, you’re looking at balls.

7. That’s what you get, Charlie! You get fork-stabbed! Fork-stabbed!

8. Excuse me. People throwing themselves at people? Is, like, the basis of civilization.

9. St. Paul was just a punk until he was blinded by the light, and Gandhi was just drinking and whoring it up with his friends until he heard the cry of his people.

10. Dr. Do-Right doesn’t trust me with his antibiotics so I gotta hump it up here every day to get my meds. You know, a less magnanimous man than I might just be thinking he could beat the ever-living snot out of you right now without fear of reprisal.

11. He told us to leave, said he didn’t serve our kind. That was racist, and a little bit rude.

12. Maybe it’s the syphilis talking, but… some of that made sense.

13. That is a very difficult thing to do, reading the Bible in one night. I myself have only done it three times. You need great determination and excellent light. I’m very impressed.

14. Gum would be perfection. Gum would be perfection. I could have said gum would be nice, could have said I’ll have a stick. But no no no no no, for me, gum is perfection. I loathe myself.

15. What was that rhyme? I scream, you scream, we all scream, cause you faked your death.

Edit: It’s been a while, so I’m posting the answers to the unsolved quotes. Highlight to reveal.

2. River, Firefly, Out of Gas

3. Marshall, Alias, Time Will Tell

9. Aaron, Wonderfalls, Totem Mole

10. Sawyer, Lost, All the Best Cowboys Have Daddy Issues

14. Chandler, Friends, The One With The Blackout

April 17, 2008 at 9:28 pm 21 comments

What is it about bras?

Some days, they’re completely fine.  Other days, I just want to rip them off and cut them up into little pieces and burn them because they’re so uncomfortable. 

Today is one of those tear the bra apart days. And I’m wearing the same damn one I wore yesterday!  It was fine yesterday, and today it feels so uncomfortable that I’m tempted to rip it off here at work and throw it in the trash.  But then again, I’m not much for jiggly boobies, especially at the work place. 


April 17, 2008 at 12:04 pm Leave a comment


April 16, 2008 at 10:21 am Leave a comment

Things that make me sad

Watching Percy Daggs III in an Orbit gum commercial. Of course, this is just adding insult to injury, since the boy went from the best-friend-a-girl-could-have Wallace Fennel to pushing Hot Pockets. And now gum. Why hasn’t some show snatched him up yet?

April 11, 2008 at 9:53 pm Leave a comment

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April 2008