Sometimes it would be so much fun to be a bitch

March 31, 2008 at 2:33 pm 2 comments

Everyday, I drive by this catering company called “Nation’s Best Catering.”  It ticks me off every time.  I’ve never actually tried their catering to see if it’s actually good or not, but I think it’s pretty damn cocky (not to mention impossible to prove, and therefor it’s kind of false advertising when you think about it) to name your company “Nation’s Best Catering.” 

 So I was driving to work the other day and I was particularly grumpy–mostly because I was being someone who was going BELOW the speed limit (which is one of my pet peeves)  and also because I didn’t want to be awake, anyway–and I decided that catering company really annoyed me. 

And that if I ever got a chance to do it (even though I know absolutely nothing at all about catering) I would by the building RIGHT next to it, and open a catering company called “World’s Best Catering,” just to piss them off. 

Wouldn’t that be fun?!  That’s become a fantasy of mine.  Sometimes, I think it would be a lot of fun to be a bitch and do things like that. 

Another fantasy of mine:  I want to buy one of those 1970’s or 80’s Cadillacs.  You know, of of those big ass cars that is pure metal.  The ones where if you hit a tree, the tree falls over, but there isn’t even a dent in the car.  I want one of those cars.  And I want to get an asslodad of insurance on it, and then, when people pull out in front of me or when they drive like idiots around me, I’m just going to stop slamming on my breaks to keep from hitting them.  I’m just going to hit them and start collecting insurance money.  I bet I would have so many wrecks that it would be a daily occurance. 

I’ve decided that the driving test needs to be much more difficult than it is. 

Also concerning driving:  There is actually a woman who drives a white Lexus that lives somewhere around my husband and I, and every morning and every afternoon on her way home from work, she reads while driving.  SHE FREAKING READS A BOOK WHILE DRIVING!  I like to read, too, but seriously!  That’s dangerous!  I keep expecting to see her in a wreck one afternoon.  I mean, you can only tempt fate so much, right?  And she’s most definitely not paying attention to her driving. 

Entry filed under: bitch, random, Rant. Tags: .

“To get to the heart of the story, you have to go back to the beginning.” The more I think about it, the more pissed off I am with the last Harry Potter book

2 Comments Add your own

  • 1. ameliebee  |  March 31, 2008 at 3:28 pm

    Nation’s Best Catering: And I would buy the spot on the other side and make the Universe’s Best Catering. I would only sell cookies and lemon squares, and my motto would be “If you don’t like it, you can suck it.”

    Reading while driving: No fucking way. I mean, there’s no fucking way. You can’t have your eyes on the road AND on a book. That’s why God created books on tape.

  • 2. kegger  |  March 31, 2008 at 4:27 pm

    Haha, we’ve got to buy that building! Wouldn’t that be awesome! To piss Nation’s Best Catering off! Hahahaha! That would be so fun and mean!

    Yeah, can you believe that there is actually a lady that reads EVERY FREAKING DAY on the way to and from work? I mean, how do you enjoy your book? And how is she not dead?! I thought that when winter came and the days got shorter, she’d stop. NO! She just turned on the overhead light and read by that each afternoon. I really have comtemplated multiple times calling 911 and reporting her. I could say she was drunk or something and then she’d at least be harassed a little, right? I could say, “This lady in this white Lexus with this license plate is swerving ALL over the road and I think she’s drunk!” and they could at least hunt her down and pull her over, right? And then the police officer would be like, “We got a report that you were driving badly, how much have you had to drink tonight?” and maybe it would freak her out. I think about doing that ever freakin day. But it’s not worth the effor.t Maybe when I get my POS Cadillac, I’ll pull out in front of her and slam on my breaks while she’s engrossed in her book. It would be her fault. And then maybe she would be too scared to read after that. Hee.


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March 2008


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